If Cyberdine Systems from Terminator 2 had a post-apocalyptic future coffee maker, it’d probably look like Seattle start-up Zipwhip’s Text-Spresso device. Equal parts erector set and harbinger of doom, you simply text this machine your order, then watch on in horror as a creepy robot arm takes your mug, starts up a modded Jura Impressa XS90 super-automatic grind-and-brew, and slaps your name on it with an edible ink charged Canon iP 3600.
To Zipwhip’s credit, this is basically just a way to show off their cloud-based brand of text message capabilities. They chose to use a coffee maker as an example because they drink a lot of coffee and it (obviously) draws the attention of Laurie Matsukawa or Gene Enerson or whatever, reporter-types from Northwest regional TV news outfits.
We’ve never had the opportunity to try an XS90, but based on this review of Jura’s premium model and the two KOMO TV shots of the brew action, we’re skeptical of the cup quality. The first shot kind of looks good:
But then, oof, the second shot looks like an Orange Julius:
Here’s some crack copy writing from those KOMO nomos:
The Text-Spresso allows you to text your caffeinated beverage order to the unmanned machine. It then grabs a cup, grinds the beans, and pours you the perfect cup. The machine can also emblazon your name in the foam with edible ink so there is no confusion as to whose is whose.
Zipwhip CEO John Lauer said, “If we’re going to do it and blow some bank on it, we better really make it count.”
That’s some sound advice, John Lauer. If you’re gonna blow it, make it count.