The “add coffee to whatever bottle of booze you can find laying around your college dorm room” trend at big name liquor brands’ R&D facilities is still going very strong. First it was Jameson cold brew, then PBR hard coffee, then an alcohol-free Bailey’s something or other. Now it’s Jäeger. That’s right, the first digestif you took a shot of and immediately regretted has announced their brand new line of cold brew coffee-infused hooch. Because sure, why not.
Unlike PBR’s hard coffee, which doesn’t taste anything like PBR at all, and Bailey’s teetotaling alternative, the new Jäegermeister Cold Brew Coffee is at least reminiscent of the original product. According to their website it is made with the same “56 botanicals” as Jäeger classic, but “rich Arabica coffee and notes of cacao” thrown in for good measure.
True to traditional Jaëger consumption practices—and by that I mean with all the delicacy and discretion of a frat guy who has already had five Jaëger bombs— Jäegermeister Cold Brew Coffee is “geared toward shot lovers,” per bro clothing front Thrillist, which yeah, no shit it is. And clocking it at 66 proof, 2% lower in ABV than the original, quick frat boy logic tells me you can have like, four or five more of these and be totally fine bro, so sack up, brah. [Editor’s note: frat guy logic is very bad and Sprudge does not condone you use it in making any decisions ever, especially regarding alcohol or English language slang. Please drink and speak responsibly.]
You’re no doubt salivating by now at the chance of drinking a shot meant to be served so cold you can’t actually taste it but with coffee in it this time, but I have some bad news for you. You’re going to have to salivate a little bit longer. Jäegermeister Cold Brew Coffee won’t hit the shelves until January 2020. I guess for the next four months you’ll have to settle for the myriad other ways to wake up with the worst fucking hangover of your life.
Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.
Top image via Jäegermeister