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Millennial Influencers Trade Coffee For Butthole S...

Millennial Influencers Trade Coffee For Butthole Sunning

Here’s some cheeky news for you.

You’ve heard of “suns out buns out”, but this is a whole ‘nother level. Per a new story in the New York Post, “perineum sunning” is the latest health trend making its rounds amongst the Instagram influencers of a certain ilk. According to one influencer who goes by the name Ra of Earth, “In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on.”

In fact, the practice is so powerful that one influencer, Metaphysical Meagan, says that she’s given up her morning cup of coffee in favor tanning her own hide. As per the Post:

“For the past few weeks I have included sunning my bum and yoni into my daily rising routine,” a woman who goes by Metaphysical Meagan captions an image of herself fully naked on a rock. Meagan says she first learned about perineum sunning through her study of Taoism and has recently given up her morning cup of coffee in favor of sunning her anus.

Celebrities have even gotten in on the sun-der down under. Big Little Lies actress Shailene Woodley states she has “practiced a version of perineum sunning” as part of her “holistic lifestyle.” And even Thanos himself Josh Brolin broiled his purple butthole redder than the Reality Stone and was none too please about it. He took to Instagram to express his dissatisfaction with the new trend: “My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid shit but fuck you nonetheless. Seriously.”

But before you trade in your coffee for your kundalini, one medical professional suggests that the results of perineum sunning may be tainted. “There is no evidence that sunbathing in this way has any effect on physical well-being,” Dr. Diana Gall of Doctors 4 U states.

To be on the safe side (and to the delight of my neighbors), I say why not enjoy both? I’ll be enjoying a nice cup of coffee in the morning while pointing my pooter at the sun. It’s the only reasonable option.

Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.

Top image © Adobe Stock/Emmi

 


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