As the world stands divided along party lines for the completely apolitical issue of COVID-19, there’s one thing I think progressives and conservatives alike can agree on: the Air helmet from Microclimate. In a nation where a large portion of the general public already balks at the idea of wearing a face covering (as the death toll in America breaks the 200,000 mark), the only reasonable solution is to take the very concept of masks to the deepest reaches of outer space. The public cries out for a mask that is larger, more cumbersome, and prohibitively expensive, one that screams, “Make way! Hotshot Martian businessman on his way to close the big business deal with Spacely Sprockets.”
The Air is nearly perfect is what I’m trying to say. It’s only problem? How am I supposed to drink my almond milk mocha from Blue Bottle Moon Base Hyperion? The new Go Get Em Tiger on Venus looks promising.
Is there some sort of add-on feeding tube I can run through the bottom so I can drink my pour-over like a hamster coming off an intense wheel-spinning sesh? Or perhaps KeepCup could help design a reusable canister that a friendly barista at the local cafe can use to lock my latte into a custom-created coffee pot? And will the person taking your order be able to clearly understand what you are saying while wearing the Air? In space, can anyone hear you ask for cream?
The dystopian-chic answers to these and other practical questions are certainly already in the works over at Microclimate. Your best bet may be a cold brew-inspired faithful recreation of Radiohead’s No Surprises music video.
Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.
