DK Metcalf is a Pro Bowl wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks, and he might also be a Greek god. At 6’4’ and 235lb (with roughly -5% body fat), there is absolutely no reason Metcalf should be able to run a 40 meter dash in 4.33 seconds, save for some Mount Olympus-based parentage, but he can, and frankly it must be terrifying to see that stature running directly at you that fast. Like, is this video even real or is it photoshopped somehow? Honestly neither would surprise me at this point.
And how does he keep his body in peak physical form? By eating one meal, a cup of coffee, and three bags of candy a day. I don’t know if that’s a god-like diet, but it certainly ain’t human.
But with a diet like that, there are endorsement opportunities, like say, a DK Metcalf Decaf coffee. And that’s exactly what has happened. Metcalf has teamed up with Volcanica Coffee Company to release the Official Decaf Metcalf Coffee and the caffeinated Official Fullcaf Metcalf Coffee, with proceeds going to charity.
The Metcalf coffee tie-in was written in the stars. The Seahawk wide receiver already has the nickname “Decaf” thanks to an on-air elision of his name by ESPN announcer Joe Tessitore. And now, thanks to his collaboration with the Georgia coffee roaster, his nickname is now a brand name.
For the Decaf Metcalf, Volcanica has selected a blend of Swiss Water processed washed coffees from Guatemala and Papua New Guinea. Medium roasted, the blend has flavors of honey, walnut, and strawberry. The Fullcaf is similar to that of the Decaf—same countries of origin, processing method, and roast level—but with notes of caramel, nuts, and a “full-flavor finish.”
A portion of the proceeds of sales of both the Decaf Metcalf and Fullcaf Metcalf coffees will go to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and Prison Fellowship, charities selected by Metcalf as well as fateful moniker giver Tessitore. 16oz bags are available for purchase via the Volcanica website for $24.99 and $26.99 for the Fullcaf and Decaf, respectively.
This is honestly the name-based brand synergy that I’m here for. I mean, a DK Metcalf decaf? It’s too perfect. And since there’s no such thing as a K-Met (though there is a Chicago Bears tight end named Cole Kmet, whose decaf tie-in would be next level), and I doubt he’s willing to change his name to DK Martcalf, the DK Metcalf decaf is the obvious best option.