The people have spoken and a resounding majority of the coffee industry, despite a Gear Patrol article to the contrary, do not want you to put turmeric in your espresso. Using the most technologically sound scientific methods (a Twitter poll), we were able to say with 100% certainty that 355 out of 408 people do NOT want turmeric anywhere near their espressos.
Does the coffee industry want people to put turmeric in their espresso?
— Sprudge (@sprudge) July 10, 2018
For some, a mere vote wasn't sufficient to express exactly how much of a big nope the turmeric espresso combo dombo was, including David Jameson, a two-time UK Coffee in Good Spirits champion.
Most of specialty coffee doesn’t even want you to put sugar in your coffee, let alone turmeric.
— Dave Jameson (@DavidJamesonUK) July 11, 2018
Others were… more succinct.
No. Simply No.
— Joe Bearden (@GrayHairJoe) July 11, 2018
— titty valet (@juicycaturra) July 10, 2018
Others still, doctors even, said yes but we are pretty sure they meant no.
Voted yes because this isn't the craziest thing I've read on coffee twitter today.
— Christopher H Hendon (@chhendon) July 11, 2018
But what about the 13% that said yes? If the comments are any indication, their opinions are a bit more nuanced than a binary yes/no can handle. Turns out, they weren't so much on the turmeric train as they were proposing that “you do you.”
Why would the coffee industry want to control people. I would never put ketchup on steak but if you want to, hey it's your life. However you may not be invited to the potluck.
— Dominic Taylor (@undergalaxies) July 11, 2018
Personally I don't. However if a customer would like to, I don't see why not.
— Adam (@DoseAndTamp) July 11, 2018
Ever the pontificator (or puntificator as it were), Adam JacksonBey got real existential.
The coffee industry really doesn’t want people to put milk or sugar in their coffee but we do because coffee is personal and that’s what people want.
So the answer is that if it’s personal for enough people we do.
— Memenspro Mori (@ditriech) July 10, 2018
And Sprudge features editor Michael Light, now on indefinite suspension for not at all related reasons, is pro-turmeric, full stop.
i voted yes. i want it https://t.co/Bo04k6BqwV
— Mikey 🍠 Light (@MichaelPLight) July 11, 2018
So we've settled it. Despite this baffling headline, the coffee industry doesn't want you to put turmeric in your espresso. But what they do want above all is for you to enjoy your coffee in whatever manner it is that suits you best. Turmeric, no turmeric, sugar, cinnamon, butter, whiskey, served in a shoe, hot, cold (though some have some pretty normative claims about cold brew), however. When it comes to coffee, you do you. The coffee industry is here for it.
There's only one last mystery to clear up. How the hell do you even say turmeric? Luckily, we've put together this lovely pronunciation video to help. Case closed.