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As part of her recent #viral marketing campaign to promote the benefits of moving to New York City, Taylor Swift has Instagrammed this photo of a latte with the hashtag #WelcomeToNewYork. The campaign and its widely derided socio-cultural implications aside, what the fuck is going on here?

That latte looks terrible. It looks like the froth was steamed up yesterday and reheated in a microwave, then dolloped by the spoonful on top of espresso. And is that…is that caramel? The drink looks chunky. WHAT EVEN IS THAT TAYLOR SWIFT.

We hope they taught you better than that in Nashville, but for reference, here is a far more beautiful #latte from #NewYorkCity courtesy of Joe Coffee on Instagram:

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OK, OK. We aren’t haters. New York City is one of the greatest coffee cities in the world, Taylor Swift, and it’s awesome that you want to drink #lattes there. But you’re still new in town. It always helps to have a guide, and to that end we sincerely recommend Blue Crow Media’s app guide for New York’s Best Coffee (curated by’s own Liz Clayton) as well as Oliver Strand’s essential app for the New York Times, which is well worth your New York time.

To make things even easier, here’s a list of coffee shops that will not pour you a chunky bleu cheese caramel WTF latte within a 10 minute iconic yellow taxi ride of your new Tribeca (“Taybeca“) apartment, which, good for you. Please note that this is a partial list because there really are so many good places to drink coffee in lower Manhattan these days.

Everyman Espresso (301 West Broadway, 136 East 13th)

Box Kite (115 St. Marks Place)

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Joe Coffee (Multiple locations for you to Instagram)

Blue Bottle Coffee (Multiple locations for you to Instagram)

Cafe Grumpy (13 Essex Street, 224 W 20th Street, and other gram-worthy locations)

Intelligentsia (180 Tenth Ave, 1333 Broadway)

Birch Coffee (56 7th Ave)

Stumptown Coffee (30th West 8th)

Irving Farm Coffee Roasters (88 Orchard Street)

Third Rail Coffee (240 Sullivan Street, 159 2nd Avenue)

Happy Bones (394 Broome Street)

Kaffe 1668 (275 and 401 Greenwich Street)

Gimme! Coffee (228 Mott)

Bluebird Coffee Shop (72 East 1st)

Toby’s Estate (160 5th Avenue)

Ninth Street Espresso (multiple locations for you to Instagram)

Abraço (86th East 7th)

Bluestone Lane (30 Broad Street)

Ports (251 West 23rd)

And many, many more. 

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