The first rule of advertising is simple: sex sells. Whether it’s a scantily clad woman convincing you of your favorite lite beer or some beefcake in white linen hawking an eau de toilette, we humans are simple creatures, easily manipulated with a little eye candy. But here in the 21st century, the age of artificial intelligence and sexdroids, why shouldn’t a robot getting its jollies be able to move a few units as well? At least that’s what Lavazza is hoping with their latest ad campaign, and it makes me not a little bit uncomfortable.
The campaign is titled “Pleasure makes us human,” which kinda primes the proverbial pump for what is in store. The Rule 34’ing of the coffee-robot love affair comes in the form of a minute-and-a-half video featuring “Luigi, a sentient little robot,” per the press release, whose only job appears to be bringing the human office workers Lavazza coffee. Noticing their enjoyment, our little Hedonismbot-in-the-making friend decides he wants to experience the [gulp] pleasure that comes from drinking Lavazza coffee.
After making a cup for himself, sparks literally fly and the robot is transported to the sun-dappled beaches of Southern Italy to do stereotypically Italian things. At this point you may be asking yourself, “does the robot get off?” To which I say, unsettlingly, that yes, yes he does. The bot snaps back to reality before the final explosion then crumples into a heap on the floor, his big robot eyes glazing over before shutting down.
Inexplicably, I guess because it’s set in an office, The Office stars Steve Carrell and John Krasinski appear to reveal the final twist in this bizarre amorous tale. This ain’t our robot friend’s first rodeo. The little bugger is a deviant, who dabbles in the pleasures of being human all the time.
There’s a lot to unpack here and just so many questions. First off, why “pleasure”? Surely there is a less suggestive synonym. And if we are to accept the first premise of this ad campaign, that experiencing pleasure is a sufficient condition for being human, does that mean the robot is in fact human? Not just sentient but full-blown human. Is what the robot experienced actual pleasure or just the appropriate arrangement of events that would equate to a state of pleasure in a human? Is there even a difference? Is busting a nut and a bolt the new Turing Test? It’s all very dark, very Ex Machina meets Wall-E with espresso.
Maybe I’m old fashioned or maybe I’m as bitter as an Italian espresso that a robot derives that much more pleasure out of drinking coffee than I do—coffee has never once sent me into a refractory period, but I did get high as a kite off a Chemex of robusta one time—but there’s no place for this sort of behavior, robots sexualizing coffee, taking the jobs of our human hardbodies pedaling espresso-based orgasmalia.
I guess he is pretty cute though, and seems attentive and caring. Always having coffee is certainly a plus. I wonder if he’s seeing anyone.
Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.
