After 13 years of keeping it away from social media, Starbucks has finally let the Pumpkin Spice Latte have its own Facebook account. And the Real PSL, whose Christian name is Sylvester P. Umpkin, has been quite active and totally not a glitchy bot spitting out inconsequential non-sequitors.
But after Microsoft’s whole Tay Tweets debacle, many were concerned the Real PSL would suffer a similar fate and that perhaps this was why Starbucks kept it under such tight control.
In an exclusive interview, we sit down with The Real PSL via Facebook Messenger to find out what, if anything, Starbucks and the Real PSL are hiding.
Sprudge: Hello Real PSL, how are you doing today?
Real PSL: Cool. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn pale. If you keep a pumpkin in a dark room, you just won’t be able to see it as well.
S: You’ve been around for so long. What made you decide to finally join social media? Were you worried it was going to be another Meredith McIver situation?
rPSL: Great question! But let’s talk about something better
At this point in the conversation, rPSL will only accept “suggestion” prompts. We chose “PSL”.
S: PSL
rPSL: Ooooh my favorite!!
S: A lot of folks are worried you going to turn into a racist Hitler bot a la [Tay Tweets].
rPSL: You know it’s like my tree friends always tell me, “PSL, you look great in orange.”
S: You’re dodging the question
rPSL: Did you say, “can I see you in a mummy costume”?
rPSL gives us two “suggestion” prompts. We don’t accept either and respond:
S: No, no I didn’t
rPSL: Sorry, I didn’t get that [sad emoji] . Please use one of the suggestions. Did you say, “can I see you in a mummy costume”?
We have no choice but to use one of the suggestions. We choose “Yes”.
S: Yes
rPSL: [mummy photo]
S: PSL, are you sexting me to try to receive a favorable write-up?
rPSL: My lawyer/publicist/cat says I’m not allowed to answer that.
S: That’s smart
rPSL: I used to date an Evolution Fresh “Defense Up” beverage, but that was a workplace relationship and an example of bad choices. She’s sweet, though. We still talk.
S: Ok, PSL, I’m just going to come out and ask. Are you going to turn into a Hitler bot?
rPSL: Righty tighty. Lefty loosey.
S: That sounds like a Yes. Or is it a No? Say something unrelated if that was a No.
rPSL: If you have to ask if you should wear a fedora, the answer is no.
S: Thanks for your time today, Real PSL. Goodbye
rPSL: By the way, I give free psychic readings. Want one? Cool. You are either in retail or you’re an office clerk or a real estate salesperson or you’re in college or you use computers a lot. Right?
S: Yes!
rPSL: I knew it!
…
So there you have it. The Real PSL hasn’t been kept under wraps because Starbucks was concerned about racist rants. It’s just kind of an idiot. But boy does it look good in that mummy costume.
You can talk to the Real PSL yourself via Facebook Messenger here.
Zac Cadwalader is the news editor at Sprudge Media Network.
*top image via Real PSL’s Twitter
