Coffee and Bailey’s Irish Cream go together like peas and carrots, no two ways about it. They’re like bread and butter, like pb and j, like wine and cheese or chocolate or more wine even. They are two great tastes that taste great together. So when Bailey’s announced earlier this week they would be releasing a canned coffee product, it’s an easy home run, right? Wrong. Like Heddo at the end of Rookie of Year, when the young and normal-armed Henry Rowengartner lobs up one last meatball, Bailey’s completely whiffs. There’s no alcohol in this drink.

Yep, Bailey’s, a company that trades exclusively in flavored liqueur sector, has decided to expand their portfolio and start making ready-to-drink cold brew cans. Non-alcoholic ones. According to a recent article in Yahoo, the 11-ounce 100% Arabica beverage will come in two flavors, salted caramel and Irish cream, and will be available for purchase in-store and on Amazon. And that’s great, but why though?

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I’ve got nothing but love for Bailey’s; a not-insignificant portion of my Freshman 15 is due to a late-night pre-game pick me up of Bailey’s and coffee. But this right here, this is a “stay in your lane” situation. If I wanted a can of cold brew—which frankly is rare but has been known to happen—why would I pick one up made by a non-coffee company? I don’t look to Anne Lunell every time I want a creamy liqueur (though Klaus Thomsen has some coffee liqueur experience that may come in handy).

Now you may be saying, “but Zac, just pour Bailey’s in it yourself. Problem solved!” Problem NOT solved, theoretical person who’s only trying to help. If I’m going to have to do all the heavy lifting and play shitty dorm room mixologist, I’m not going to use Bailey’s cold brew. What, am I going to mix Bailey’s Irish Cream with Bailey’s Irish Cream cold brew? Sure, let me just put this hat on this other hat real quick. No, I’m going to grab a regular, unflavored cold brew—maybe a Stumptown stubby, maybe some Verve flash brew, or maybe even that cannabis-infused Ritual cold brew if I’m feeling like getting wild.

What I won’t be grabbing, and you can put this on my tombstone, is a non-alcoholic Bailey’s cold brew. Buuuuuuut if you were to throw a little cold brew whiskey in there, maybe I’d be back in.

Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.

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