Baristas, I love you but I need a favor. Can you puh-leaz stop pouring latte art into fruits and vegetables? Not forever, just for a little bit while the heat dies down. Just when the whole avocado latte thing was finally blowing over, a new article in The Independent is talking about how baristas have “gone too far” by pouring latte art in a carrot and the ole internet rage machine is back up and running.
And it’s not just carrots. The article also depicts apples being used as vessels, and there have even appearances of cortados in tomatoes. None of these avo/carro/appo/tomo-cino/tados are actually on any cafe menus mind you. They are from baristas just looking to have a little funsies for the ‘Gram. But if you could all do me a kindness and cool it with the veggies for a while. This madness has to stop.
And I can see the horde of angry baristas showing their teeth. “But Zac,” they’re saying, “Why should we have to change? They are the ones who suck.” And you are right, baristas. They do suck. A lot. And not even in a creative way. Every news site is tripping over themselves to find the next silly latte art craze to foment faux-outrage about, and garner clicks. Anything they can categorize as “hipster” in order to decry it as the reason the sky is falling, they are gonna. Don’t give it to them.
There are literally millions of concave things in this world to pour milk into. I myself have documented the exploits of an unnamed barista doing just that. So please, no more produce, at least until gourds are in season. And besides, at this point, if you’re wave-riding the art in fruit thing, you’re already old news.
Zac Cadwalader is the news editor at Sprudge Media Network.
*top image via Locals Corner