We live in an increasingly polarized world. Left vs. Right, Star Wars vs. Star Trek, Punks vs. Mods, Anti-Maskers vs. decency. But the true schism of the age is how you take your coffee. Are you Team Hot Coffee or Team Iced Coffee? According to a new study commissioned by Califia Farms and conducted by OnePoll, how you answer this question may say a lot about your other preferences. But there’s one thing both sides of this contentious debate agree on: coffee is more important than pretty much everything else.
For the study, 2,000 Americans were surveyed about their preferences for coffee, pop culture, and alternative milk (because if you sponsor the survey you get to ask whatever you want). Breaking down the answers along age demographics, the study finds that if you favor iced coffee, you’re most likely to be a part of Gen Z, and if you’re a hot coffee drinker, well, ok Boomer. According to the study 94% of individuals surveyed age 56 and older prefer hot coffee. It also found that the Bloomer Boomers are “more likely to be extroverts (40%), prefer overcast weather (36%), enjoy comedy shows like ‘Schitt’s Creek’ (33%), [and] blast Taylor Swift (24%).” Iced coffee drinkers, on the other hand, “more likely to prefer sunny weather (40%) [and] binge-watch science-fiction shows like ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ (37%).”
When cross-referencing coffee preference against zodiac signs, earth and fire signs are more likely to enjoy hot coffee whereas water and air signs go for cold coffee.
But if there is one truth that can bridge all ideological divides and age groups, it’s that giving up coffee in pretty much a non-starter. Per the survey, coffee drinkers of any ilk would “rather give up social media (22%), TV (18%), alcohol (16%), and video games (4%) than coffee.” And honestly, that’s about right. Social media is a hellscape, TV is fine but full of bad news, alcohol is fun until it isn’t and then it’s dangerous and abjectly terrible, and video games, well, have you ever tried to play a video game without caffeine? No thanks. Maybe a coffee video game.
In this divisive age in which we live, I'm officially calling for a truce between all types of coffee drinker. Now is the time to heal, to come together and find a middle ground, perhaps of a hot-brewed, flash chilled coffee. Let's move forward together, coffee in hand in hand.