The devil works hard, but Louis Vuitton works harder. And while the world may be ending, escapism in the form of a black leather LV wine case could be all yours for a mere $51,500.

The bag, I’m told, is in the American Colonial style, which in this instance is a fun way to say “triangular.” It features silver hardware and red velvet and calls you poor when you ride the bus. (When I ran it by my editor his honest-to-god first reaction was: do you think it comes with a cocaine sub-container?*)

I certainly don’t need it. I not even sure if I like it. But each time I close my eyes I genuinely cannot stop thinking about clenching it in my cold, Gollum-like hands.

Turns out I’m late to this party. Louis Vuitton has been making wine cases for a number of years, and while my precious this specific bag holds up to four bottles, smaller versions come along every now and then. If you’re looking for a more affordable option (heh), you could spring for this single bottle 2020 Boite Vin 1 Bouteille case for $11,200. Or you could try Sears.

Think of the splurge way: You’ll be saving a ton of money on imported wine with the upcoming French tariffs, so why not cheer yourself up with a modest little something-something?

Anyway, this is all just to say that if you enjoy Sprudge Wine, my writing, or want to be kind in general, my birthday is July 11th and I’m accepting luxury wine cases. I suppose even the sad, single bottle version.

*Absolutely.

Laura Jaye Cramer is a freelance writer based in California and has written for SF WeeklyGOOD, and PAPER MagazineRead more Laura Jaye Cramer for Sprudge Wine.