in app purchase

A new San Francisco cafe has announced a proprietary app for iOS and Android devices that will allow customers to make advanced orders and purchases. The app will also control the user’s access to WiFi and power outlets in the cafe.

“We think it’s only fair,” says Joffrey Fairbanks, owner of the Liquid Spoonful on Clarion Alley between Mission & Valencia. “Customers should start paying a little extra for using our cafe like a co-share office. Those places charge thousands of dollars a month for what? Someone else’s dirty dishes?”

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So far customers in the neighborhood don’t seem to mind. “I make so much money at Google it’s not even funny, bro,” 22-year-old Google technician Kyle Butternut told Sprudge. He went on: “Yo, when I graduated I was like, ‘Where can I live where I can listen to dubstep, get crunked, go to church, process my analog rolls of film, drink flat whites, and ride my longboard?’ And my B-School advisor dude was like, ‘The Mission District, duh.‘ I found a sweet condo for $6,300 a month, living with Pretty Fingers and D-Lux, my two best brosefs. That is a DEAL, bro.”

Condos on Mission. (via ClimbSF)
Condos on Mission. (via ClimbSF)

For others, it’s more of a deal-breaker. “I have lived in this neighborhood for fifteen years,” says Nancy Feldstein, a part-time acupuncturist and Etsy seller. “I’m an artist, and for me, the extra in-app purchases are really adding up.” Feldstein also expressed displeasure with Liquid Spoonful’s decision to displace a series of culturally protected murals, in order to make way for their barrel-aged nitro cold brew counter (to be profiled soon on Sprudge).

We reached out to Jeremy Tooker, founder of Mission District mainstays Four Barrel Coffee, a cafe that famously shuns both WiFi and outlets. When told about the new cafe’s in-app purchase policy, Tooker exclaimed, “It’s the future!”

Like all things Mission District in today’s sick sad world, this story is #developing…

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