Celebrities, they’re just like us. Except for the fame and fortune and absolutely bananas coffee orders. We’ve all by now know the wild coffee order of everyone’s favorite daddy Pedro Pascal: six shots of espresso served over ice. It’s a tall order, literally, but seeing how Pascal was carrying the weight of multiple television studios and franchises on his shoulders, it kind of felt like a functional beverage.
But Nick Jonas? What has he ever done? The youngest Jonas Brother also avers to be a six-espresso drinker, and honestly, are celebrities doing okay?
This all came to light via Today, who was hosting all three Brothers Jonas as part of their Eight Questions Before 8:00am interview series. One of the questions to the trio was about their go-to coffee order. Joe wants an oat milk flat white, which, sure, ok, let’s not get into it. Kevin keeps it simple with a “hot Americano,” which, Kevin, we just call them “Americanos”. The “hot” is assumed unless stated otherwise.
Then there’s Nick. Dear sweet Nick. His go-to coffee order is an “iced Americano—quad.” Four shots of espresso. Then, for good measure, that drink gets “followed up by another two for fun.”
Nothing about this sounds fun. This sounds unhinged. Six shots of espresso in one go is too much, even for the most caffeine-tolerant of Joni.
I think at this point we just have to conclude that celebrities are just built different. Could I drink six shots of espresso in a sitting? Physically yes, maybe like, on a dare or something. But much like eating some unnecessarily spicy food just to prove a point, I will certainly be paying for it later. To drink that much espresso on a regular basis though? Your insides must be made out of pure, uncut Alka-Seltzer.
There a few lessons to be learned here. One, drink whatever you want, even if that means consuming enough espresso in one sitting to perk up you and your two bandmate-brothers. And two, be easy on your favorite celebrities. They may look fine but they’re being held together by nothing more than a strand of caffeine molecules.