A fascinating tale of customer complaints and proprietor triumphs appeared yesterday in Slog, the online arm of Seattle’s weekly alt-99% rag “The Stranger”. (Editorial Note: Slog is basically Zachary’s favorite website, even though he hasn’t lived in Seattle for over a year.)

Zack Bolotin, owner of Seattle’s Porchlight Cafe and Record shop, shared the following tale with Stranger token non-gay male wacky funny gal Bree McKenna. It seems Mr. Boloton kept getting badgered by an angry gentlemen concerning “bad service” he received the day before:

Zack tried to hear him out and apologize at first, saying that maybe the girl working had been having a bad day, until the man offhandedly mentioned that he calls places often to complain. Since the shop was in a morning rush and too busy for the extended phone conversation the man wanted to have, he agreed somewhat aggressively to call back later. But after calling back three times in ten minute intervals, more aggravated with each attempt, he barked that he could “hear the smirking over the phone” and proceeded to call Zack a “hipster piss-ant,” demanding he should give him free coffee to “make things right.” Zack responded that he was finished talking to the man and that his patronage was no longer welcome. The man responded that “You don’t even know what I look like,” and threatened to come in with a bat. Feeling like he should report the incident due to the escalating hostility, Zack called the non-emergency SPD line and an officer was dispatched.

What follows is proof that belligerent asshole customers aren’t always right, and that sometimes cops are really smart and effective. You just gotta read what happens next.