hillbilly

The American Pacific Northwest is home to a growing army of “bikini barista” stands, which are exactly what they sound like: drive-thru shacks, often brightly decorated, staffed by skimpily dressed female service staff. We won’t get into the social and cultural implications of this phenomenon, other than to say that the coffee commonly served at these places is usually the uh, secondary attraction for your average bikini barista patron.

But one thing’s for sure, and that’s that these places are a flash point for crime of all stripes. One such story broke earlier this week out of the Seattle suburb of Everett, where a pink-bandana clad twelve-year-old boy robbed the unfortunately named “Hillbilly Hotties” coffee stand. The felonious tween got away on bicycle with a backpack full of tip money (and a coffee!) after pulling a gun on the barista. Using surveillance footage, police were able to identify and arrest the child and his sixteen-year-old accomplice. The two boys are suspected of robbing a whole bunch of places in the Everett area. 

Seattle Times has more:

“She almost didn’t serve him because it’s not normal to see a kid on a bike, and it was crazy busy with a huge line of cars,” Edge said.

But the barista made the drink for the boy and told him what he owed.

That is when the child pulled out a handgun, leveled it at the barista and demanded money, according to Everett police. The barista pointed to her tip jar, which the boy emptied into his backpack, before riding away with his drink in one hand, Edge said.

“It happened so fast it was shocking,” Edge said. “It was a child running around with a real gun and real bullets.”

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According to their Instagram, Hillbilly Hotties is “the hottest lingerie/bikini stand in Snohomish County! Monroe-Parking lot of Grocery Outlet Everett-41st & Hoyt.” We wish the accosted barista well after what surely was a terrifying experience.

As an aside, in the course of researching this feature, we learned that there are actually two competing bikini barista web listing resources: Bikini-Baristas.com and JavaJudge.com