Here’s a laudable denouncement of kopi luwak from James Beard Award-winning writer Tim Carman, now working for the Washington Post:

My wife, Carrie, paid dearly for this measly two-ounce packet of civet coffee, or kopi luwak, from Sumatra, which was then shipped to the United Kingdom for roasting. It was eventually sent to the United States in this vacuum-sealed package in which the beans were conveniently pre-ground because, you know, caffeine snobs really love coffee that has lost all of its essential oils.

It tasted just like…Folgers. Stale. Lifeless. Petrified dinosaur droppings steeped in bathtub water. I couldn’t finish it.

And just where, exactly, did the aforementioned “Carrie” get ripped off for this pre-ground kopi luwak? Why, over on Think Geek, a website that touts itself as “stuff for smart masses”, but is actually the Tauntaun sleeping bag of internet commerce – worth a word-of-mouth glance, but quite shoddily made and not nearly as cool as you’ve heard. This kopi luwak listing is at least the second stupidest thing for sale on Think Geek. Why, just look at the brilliant extract written by Think Geek’s resident coffee expert:

Civet Crap Choice Coffee

  • The rarest coffee in existence.
  • Straight from the ground of wonderful Sumatran coffee plantations.
  • Packaged by a highly-ethical company who makes routine trips to inspect the animal welfare and quality standards where the poop is.
  • Has a unique and delicate flavor after fermenting in the Civet’s digestive system (yup, it poops out the beans).
  • Only 500 kg of this coffee are produced each year.
  • Did we mention this stuff is delicious? ‘Cause it is.
  • Servings: approx. 5-10 (depending on how strong you like it).
  • Net Wt.: 57g

There are several things wrong with all of this, not the least of which being that the coffee is sold pre-ground. Did we mention that this stuff is a complete and total fraud? ‘Cause it is.

Anyone with half a conscience should disassociate themselves, their goods for sale, and their personal commerce from Think Geek until kopi luwak is no longer offered. If this were a K-Cup, you’d all be outraged.