Outside of work, baristas are just like you and me. But as soon as baristas put on that butch leather apron, they become something more–they become superheroes. Here’s why.
21. Baristas can read minds.
They know what you want, what you really really want.
20. Baristas can juggle a queue of 69 drinks.
Unlike Honey Boo Boo up there, baristas have the ability to manage multiple tasks at the same time. They are strong, they are everlasting, and they will never, ever stop.
19. Baristas are teachers, listeners, therapists, counselors, negotiators, and scientists.
They wear multiple hats, as is required by the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene.
18. Baristas can turn your crappy day into a wonderful day in an instant.
The world is a dark, lonely place until one li’l sippy sippy of that afternoon Americano, and you’re right as rain.
17. Baristas can make you feel beautiful.
Have you ever walked into a coffee bar feeling like hot garbage, and walked out feeling just plain hot? Tip your baristas.
16. No matter how hot it is, they still crank out the extra hot lattes with a quickness.
It’s a hot place, behind the espresso machine. But they’re there, making it all happen, just for us.
15. When they’re not working lines, cranking out drinks, or cleaning the cafe, they’re on dish duty.
Bus tub of dishes? What bus tub of dishes?
14. Baristas create beautiful art with steamed cow’s milk.
HOW DO THEY DO IT?
13. Spilled your drink? They got you.
A new drink, a sweep of a bleach rag, and it’s as if nothing ever happened.
12. Baristas can make your kid explode with joy.
One word: babycino.
11. Baristas know your drink better than you do.
Those morning when you forget to put on your socks and your shirts inside out? Don’t worry, you’ll still get your drink.
10. Baristas will never let you leave without your keys.
How many times have you left your keys on the condiment bar? A lot of times.
9. The perfect song always plays in a cafe when you need it to.
Maybe not all the time, but when it counts, it really counts.
8. Baristas are not cylons but sometimes you’re not sure.
How did they make those 70 drinks perfectly and so quickly? Cylon cybernetics, perhaps.
7. Baristas are up at 4AM and ready to go.
Even if they went to bed at 3AM the night before.
6. Baristas always have killer style.
Where’d they get that shirt and why isn’t it covered in espresso?
5. Day in, day out, baristas are ready to kill you with earth-shattering deliciousness.
Cappuccino? Mocha? Black coffee? No matter what, it’s going to blow your mind.
4. No matter how awful a customer is, the barista always controls the situation.
They’re always in control, even when the customers are a little…quirky. We’ll go with quirky.
3. How’d that barista know I just broke up with my boyfriend and needed that complimentary cookie boost?
I just. I really needed it. Thank you.
2. Baristas take your dietary restrictions with nary an eye roll.
It’s a soy allergy, kind of, but it’s really like, a gluten thing?
1. Baristas are magic.
Baristas are incredible people and I love them. Each and every single one.