“If you think about anything long enough, parts of it will annoy you.”

This statement perfectly sums up the content Esquire.com’s recent piece on specialty coffee, “Back to the Future: The Coming Coffee Revolution“.

“The world of coffee feels a lot like the time your fifty-six-year-old attorney neighbor finally discovered wine and found it impossible to simply shut up and enjoy: blah blah blah.”

We’re sort of with you so far, Todd. There’s some flowery language being used these days to talk about coffee, and the jury is still out on if it helps the industry or just makes coffee geeks sound like geeks. And I guess we can see how you might connect Ronald Reagan with Seattle’s coffee scene in the 80s. Yeah, and like, we get it, your tattoos look kind of silly now and you aren’t getting any younger and one time you walked across Antarctica by yourself. We’re with you! Until…

We know coffee for what it is — roasted spice, not some secret cuvee born in vineyard Shangri-La. Seen through the culinary lens, coffee is a spice used to infuse hot water, and should at its best be a delight. Coffee should never highjack the senses at the end of a meal, like a shot of moonshine served from the navel of Tina the Tequila girl.

With respect to the “Food For Men” section at Esquire.com, what in the hell are you talking about?

Those shots of moonshine must have ruined your palate. Incomprehensible…