When it comes to rock bands and coffee, there is no shortage of crossovers. Metallica’s Kirk Hammett had his own blend with Dark Matter Coffee. Korn, Green Day, Mastadon, Judas Priest, Aerosmith, all have had some special branded coffee collab over the years. This is not to mention Between the Buried and Me’s virtuosic-guitarist-turned-actual-coffee-roaster Paul Waggoner and Nightflyer Roastworks. And now emo pop is taking a turn with Coheed and Cambria Coffee Roasters, announced earlier this week via press release.
But before we go any further, if we are gonna talk about Coheed, let’s talk about Coheed. In their PR blast about the coffee brand, the group refers to themselves as a “modern progressive rock band,” in the past touting their “concept career” with each of their albums continuing the same story as a sort of proof. Now, I’m a fan of prog—I actually like later Mars Volta, I’ll fight anyone who doesn’t think John McLaughlin’s Extrapolation is the best iteration of the fusion-as-arena-rock era, and I’ve been known to sit in my car after arriving at my destination to listen to the last five minutes of whatever Lateralus song Tool is going on about—my obnoxiously over-indulgent, grandiose rock bona fides aren’t in question here, ok? But Coheed? That’s not prog. An incoherent movie with a 10-hour run time isn’t better or more impressive than a 2-hour one, it’s worse in fact. And occasionally busting out an 80’s noodly solo ain’t it either. Coheed is a rock-tinged sci-fi version of Panic! At The Disco. Which isn’t a slight; A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out is a great pop record. It is what it is, but it ain’t prog. /rant
So anyway, coffee. For their new roasting company, the members of Coheed and Cambria teamed up with Los Angeles’s J Gursey Coffee Roasters to create two initial offerings: The Knowledge and The Beast, both references to characters in their Armory Wars storyline. Per the press release, The Knowledge “is a smooth delicate blend of light and dark roasted coffees from the African/Ethiopian/South American regions, while The Beast is “’Coffee with a bite.’ The robust medium/dark roast with a kick of espresso comes from the regions of African/Papa New Guinea/South America and Central America, and is cloud roasted at a 460° Fahrenheit drop temp.”
Not exactly sure what “a kick of espresso” means, but including the drop temp is pretty sharp. Interestingly enough, The Knowledge, again a blend of light and dark roasted coffee, has a drop temp of 465°, higher than their dark roast, so do with that information what you will.
12-ounce bags of the two Coheed coffees are available for purchase for $19.99 on their official website, along with a variety of logoed coffee cups, travel mugs, even a pour-over device. And now, please enjoy this very definitive list of other aughts-era emo bands we here at Sprudge feel should go the coffee branding route in 2021.
Guat The Drive-In
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Lattes Dying On The Bar
Murder Full City Devils
Topo Is The Reason
Sunny Day Smallholder Estate
Jimmy Dimitrov Eat World
Marco Jets To Brazil
My Maillard Romance
Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.