I don’t believe in anything anymore. The foundations of my worldview have always been the sky being blue, grass green, and coffee black (well, dark brown-ish). But a new product has me questioning everything I ever held to be true. There’s now a clear coffee.
Called CLR CFF—I would have called it Crystal Coffee to ride that Crystal Pepsi wave—the new drink was created by two brothers in London and is the “first colorless coffee drink in the world,” according to their website. Refinery 29 states the reason for creating this devil’s elixir was that the brothers wanted to drink coffee without staining their teeth. You can insert you own joke about British people’s teeth here, but I’m above that sort of crass humor. And besides, I wear my own coffee-stained teeth like a badge of honor, so who am I to judge?
CLR CFF is made from just coffee and water and is “produced by methods which have never been used before,” which sounds like the sort of technical jargon you’d hear at the start of a bad 80’s sci-fi movie where like, CLR CFF is actually an alien symbiote and drinking it turns you into a zombie or something. And I mean, if this new see-through coffee contains no “preservatives, artificial flavours, stabilizers, sugar or any other sweeteners,” then it is either alien technology or it’s some form of dark magic. Either way, I don’t need that sort of bad juju in my life.
CLR CFF is currently available online via their website for £6 for two 200ml bottles or in person at Selfridges and Whole Foods Markets in London. The company will ship to America, but it’ll cost an additional £15, which is hopefully enough of a deterrent to keep any from coming to the States. We need to keep the upcoming alien zombie apocalypse localized to the UK. They’ve Brexited already anyways.
Zac Cadwalader is the news editor at Sprudge Media Network.
*top image via CLR CFF
