The Super Bowl took place on Sunday. Super Bowl LIX as it is known, in that it licks toad. It pitted the Kansas City Chiefs, a fan-favorite team that has been so successful over the last almost-decade that everyone has grown tired of them, versus the Philadelphia Eagles, who no one (read: me) likes. And the game itself was about as uninspiring.
But at least there was the halftime show with Kendrick Lamar, featuring cameos by Sza, Samuel L. Jackson, and Serena Williams. And of course there were the commercials, the thing—along with the Puppy Bowl of course—that get the non-sports minded to tune in.
Clocking in at a whopping $8 million per 30 second spot, there were 57 totals commercials during this year’s big game. And coffee played an outsized roll in it all. So while you can find all sorts of list of best Super Bowl commercials and worst commercials, based on viewership numbers or internet buzz or whatever, no one has the guts to bring you a list of the commercials that really matter: the ones with coffee in them. Whether it’s a Moka pot cameo or a weird star-studded coffee spot, we’ve them all here for you. No need to sit through… whatever that was last night.
Dunkin’
They paid $16 million for this?! In their one-minute ad spot, Dunkin’ revitalized their DunKings campaign, though notably without Matt Damon. Instead, the Affleck brothers tapped former Patriots head coach, 72-year-old Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend along with Jeremy Strong going full method by dunking himself into a barrel of coffee-like ooze. They square off against a Starbucks stand-in, proclaiming themselves the coffee company of the everyman versus the hoity-toity green giant, who has, and I quote, “a dark seasonal roast with coriander and a light balsamic drizzle.” Is that a whole bean coffee, a signature drink, what? It’s all weird and bad, proving that Dunkin’ needs Matt Damon to keep this thing on the rails.
Jeep
This one was also weird but in a different way. Harrison Ford stars in this two-minute spot, monologuing about heroes and freedom and of course Jeep. He grumbles poetic boomer zen koans about differences being our strength, the differences here being internal combustion gas engines versus electric ones. There’s a dog and an American flag and probably an eagle in there something, I dunno I kinda zoned out and, oh is that a Moka pot? Not exactly the most patriotic of brewers but still, the Moka–ssance officially made its way to the biggest ad event of the year.
Coffee Mate
Oh no, they got Shania too! For their ad introducing their Cold Foam, Coffee Mate somehow convinced Shania Twain to voice a singing and dancing tongue, one that pops out of a man’s mouth after tasting the new product. For the commercial, Twain even created a song, “Gimme Cold Foam,” with lyrics like, “I’m a dancing tongue, and I like the taste of cold foam, have you ever seen a tongue do this?” I have not, Shania, and I wish I had kept it that way.
SToK Cold Brew
For the second year in a row, SToK Cold Brew has an ad spot in the Super Bowl. Like with last year’s ad featuring Sir Anthony Hopkins, this year’s commercial also centers around Wrexham AFC, the Welsh football/soccer team owned by actors Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney for whom SToK is a stadium sponsor. This time, is Channing Tatum drinking cold brew and teaching the team some of his Magic Mike dance moves to improve their post-goal celebrations. It’s a little silly, but at least this one makes sense. The rest? Not so much.
Google/BLK & Bold
In the world of regional ad buys, Google did something cool this year where they highlighted 50 different small businesses in 50 different states. (Unfortunately the ads were all to promote Google Workspace with Gemini, their AI platform.) For their spot in Iowa, they featured BLK & Bold, the Des Moines-based Black-owned coffee roaster that has exploded in popularity over the past five years or so. The only thing weird about this commercial was that it wasn’t weird at all, which was fine, the inevitable end of humanity of it all not withstanding.
Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.
