Now it’s time for our annual predictions for the new year! Last year we predicted that Tim Wendelboe would discover a new variety of coffee and name it “Tim Wendelboe”; that James Freeman would be the first man to play jazz clarinet in space; that Intelligentsia founder Doug Zell would give up coffee for a career in professional skateboarding; and that Sprudge.com would be purchased by Gawker Media Group for a cool 6.9 million dollars. None of these things happened.
Predictions for this year have deemed “much more likely” by our international tribunal of contributors.
1. After years of being mocked by the coffee illuminati, the press pot will make a come back. A tech company start-up will have a Kickstarter campaign for their temperature-stable PID’d automated press pot with scale attachment. It will be called “The Prestomatic”.
2. Oliver Strand‘s hotly awaited new book will be released by HarperCollins. In a stunning twist, the book will be a scathing industry tabloid tell-all titled “I Can’t Strand The Micro-Lot Of You”.
3. The market will be continue to be flooded with gesha. The trend will reach its zenith in May 2013, when Starbucks releases the $14 Gesha Caramel Frappuccino.
4. Miracle Berries will become the ingredient of choice for a new generation of barista competitors. Because of this, a single origin robusta espresso will take first place at the 2013 World Barista Championship.
5. Todd Carmichael‘s popular Dangerous Grounds television program will be developed into a feature-length Hollywood film, entitled “Dangerous Grounds: Fatal Discharge”. It will become the highest grossing movie of all-time, despite its NC-17 rating.
6. George Howell will become enamored with a tantric approach to specialty coffee preparation. What once was a “30 minute pleasure trip” will now last for hours, even days.
7. Brian W. Jones will be selected to take over Oliver Strand‘s “Ristretto” column for T Magazine’s arts and culture blog, “The Moment“. Anti-K-cup t-shirt sales soar.
8. Jason Coffee, a web entrepreneur and noted haole, figures out how to parlays his SEO baiting genius and coffee expertise into a career in Hawaiian politics. By 2024 he is elected President of the United States in a vote conducted entirely on Facebook and Twitter.