Help The People Of Anaconda Find Their Fugitive Fecal Felon

Stunning news out of the small hamlet of Anaconda, Montana. Back in July, someone allegedly urinated in a can of pre-ground coffee and smeared feces all over the coffee maker in the Anaconda / Deer Lodge County Courthouse. At the time, there was no immediate evacuation. The public servants of Anaconda have since been flushed and left in the dumps after failing to deduce the heinous culprit in this truly stinky act. Investigators attempted to find DNA left on a soiled styrofoam cup, but their attempts were essentially a waste. More from Helen Air News:

Police in Anaconda are no closer to finding the culprit who left both urine and feces in a coffee maker at the county courthouse in June.

The suspect is believed to have urinated into a can of coffee grounds in the chief executive’s office, and returned four days later to smear clumps of feces directly into the machine.

Employees later found a Styrofoam cup left at the scene stained with feces. The evidence was sent to the state crime lab in Missoula for fingerprint analysis, but Police Chief Tim Barkell said the results came back with no positive identification.

“A lot of time, on porous material (such as Styrofoam), you can’t get a good print,” Barkell told The Montana Standard this week. “We’re at a loss right now.”

Investigators also believe the feces came from an animal, not human, meaning it cannot be tested for DNA. At this point, Barkell said they are hoping for someone to provide a new lead.

“Hopefully, someone will come forward with something,” he said.

We can only hope that Anaconda County detectives get to the bottom of this hot mess, but for right now, it appears that John Doe has the investigators wiped.

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