Coffee Schmuck Of The Week: Dance Music Schmucks Romance

 
By 20 November 2010
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In our hearts, the Minneapolis neighborhood of Uptown is Prince’s candy-colored cornucopia Paisley Park of freedom, self-expression, and ice cool multi-ethnic omnisexual synth funk. It’s a place where you can “set your mind free”, and where the perogative, be you “black, white, or Puerto Rican” is to just have a “freakin’ good time already”. Uptown is home to First Avenue, where young upstart The Kid did battle with Morris Day and The Time to win over the heart of Apollonia (and her entirely underrated cadre of backup singers, especially that Brenda Bennett, who was actually married to Prince’s set designer). It’s a Parade of acceptance and Emancipation, where even the goofiest, gangliest white guy with a jewfro could incongruously join the coolest band in town, don OR scrubs, and fit right in behind a wall of Oberheim synthesizers.

That illusion was shattered Friday morning by a violent robbery at a Dunn Brothers coffee shop on Humboldt and Lake Street. We go to MyFox9 Minneapolis for the Dirty Minded details:

Two men have been charged in the armed robbery of the Dunn Brothers coffee shop in Uptown where a barista was pistol-whipped Wednesday night. Both 47-year-old Ronald Harold Moore and 38-year-old Carlos Maurice Harris were charged with one count of first degree aggravated robbery and two counts of kidnapping.

Police say Moore and Harris tied up two women working in the store, pistol-whipped them, then took off with money. Police arrived and chased Moore and Harris, eventually catching up with them not far from the Dunn Brothers shop.

There’s no Controversy here, folks: Ronald Harold Moore and Carlos Maurice Harris, you’re the first-ever double dip Sprudge.com Coffee Schmucks of the Week. May you be forced to do the new funk Batdance and listen to The Rainbow Children on loop, in perpetuity, for the next 40 years in prison.

Full details here, though much like late-80s pop radio stole the Minneapolis Sound, we lifted most of the article for this piece.

This Is What It Sounds Like When Schmucks Cry

 
  • I was so excited to see something about my hometown, but then so horrified to read about one of my favorite shops. I’ve worked at several Dunn Bros, so I have special sympathy for the employees there.
    BTW, First Avenue is in Downtown, not Uptown.

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