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Ohmigosh we’re SO EXCITED for Coffee Common. The pomp! The circumstance! Can you hear those golden trumpets in the distance, like God-swans hooting into the dark bliss of night? WE SURE CAN.

Ooh, they’ve announced some of their baristas! Here’s an incomplete list. All-Star voting traditionally allows for several late-game replacements and alternates, so expect more names to be named, while considering this your classic Starting Lineup:

FIRST BASE: Trevor Corlett – Fairfax, VA. MadCap Coffee Roasters

CATCHER: Mike White – Brooklyn, NY. Shotzombies.com

LEFT FIELD: Ben Kaminsky – San Francisco, CA. Ritual Coffee Roasters

RIGHT FIELD: Anthony Benda – Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Cafe Myriade

SECOND BASE: Keaton Ritchie – Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Cafe Myriade

STARTING RHP: Yeekai Lim – Los Angeles, CA. Cognoscenti Coffee

SHORTSTOP: Cora Lambert – New York City. RBC NYC

THIRD BASE: Matt Banbury – New York City. Joe

RELIEF RHP: Elia Weg – Brooklyn, NY. Gimme! Coffee

RELIEF LHP: Scout Rose – New York City. Joe

CENTER FIELD: Amanda Byron – New York City. Joe

PINCH HITTER / UTILITY: Park Brannen – Brooklyn, NY. Cafe Grumpy

PINCH RUNNER / UTILITY: Erin Meister – Manhattan, NY. Counter Culture Coffee

(in the role of TEVYA): Jessie Kahn – New York. Counter Culture Coffee

FIRST BASE COACH: Mike Jones – New York City. Third Rail Coffee

SKIPPER: Amber Sather – Brooklyn, NY. SCAA

All in all, the squad looks solid, though they could probably use some more replacement infielding, especially if they plan on playing small ball. They’re acking a true big bopper presence in the middle of the lineup, but expect reliable RBI from Lambert and Banbury. Corlett is always a threat, especially against LHP. Free agency is still an option, though our humble, unsolicited suggestion to the CC Board is to call up some talent from within their own organization – there are several options available from the NYC farm system with favorable WAR, for pitching in particular. Our prediction: 93 – 69, good enough to win an outright playoff spot, drawing the Tigers in the Divisional Series.

(Ed note: we went with the baseball schtick because, when considering football options, we couldn’t decide who would be Tight End.)