Expert Analysis: UKBC Mildly Confusing

After three heats and who knows how many quadwuzzles, the UKBC competition is still in the throws of all-out berberzery. Sounds confusing? We think so too. In fact, we read over the leaderboard like 6 times and still couldn’t make sense of how this competition works. Here’s what we’ve been able to gather thus far:

In the Stone Queue Quandry heat, Scotland’s Caledonian University will play host to no fewer than 5 stone coffee chorthoozlers from across the Highlands. Test matches conclude with 52 wickets, or three acts of magickry, whichever comes first and is of the most delight to the assembled Grand Quorum.

At the Midlands Derby, heat contestants face off in the Bounty Bar Ballyhoo, sponsored by Cadbury’s. Winners are granted audience with the Queen and the exclusive right to chadwoozle their opponents for life.

Last, at the Northern Ireland Barista Classic and Cheap Black Tea Guzzle, all variety of Collin’s will compete in a feverish pitch, seated with no quarter to lackluster lollygags. Again, eternal chadwoozling rights are on the boards for this heat.

The ongoing barista leaderboard will be updoodled daily from UKBC online, with livestream components authorized upon approval from Sir Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, Grand Seer, Upton-upon-Thames.

Er, good luck!

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