If there are two immutable truths in this back half of 2021, it is these: the espresso martini is having a moment, and, in my opinion, espresso martinis are still gross. (Some would say this is up for debate, but this is my article, not theirs.) As hard as it is to believe, there is something that is not made better by the addition of coffee—in this case espresso—and yet, somehow, vodka, coffee liqueur, and simple syrup are not.
But if you’re in a hole, the only way out is to keep digging, or so grocery chain Aldi thinks, and are now selling espresso martini cheese.
It’s really the Inception approach to mashing coffee into any and all imaginable foodstuffs. If a coffee-infused drink is no good, then why not make a cheese infused with a coffee-infused drink? There are layers here. Stinky, stinky layers.
Brought to our attention by Delish, this Frankenstein’s Muenster is “the booziest cheese Aldi has ever launched,” which I guess means there is actually some alcohol in it? The cheese is a Wensleydale, a medium crumbly cow’s milk cheese traditionally aged three to six months and normally paired with fruits like apples or cranberries. Coffee is a fruit, right, so sure why the hell not?
While Aldi’s espresso martini cheese made its way to the States some time over the summer, it appears to now only be available in the UK, the one true home of the espresso martini. (According to the Aldi UK website, there is a STRICT limit of 15 per purchase and not a single one more.)
So if you’re looking to get weird this holiday season, or maybe prank someone or absolutely wreck an otherwise lovely cheese board, head over to your nearest UK Aldi and pick up an espresso martini cheese or 15 for the low, low price of £2.19. As for me, I’ll be keeping my espresso, vodka, and cheese separate, thank you very much.