Finally, the time has come. You’ve been waiting for this moment since drawing your first breath, carrying the weight and hope of expectation around with you like a charm stone, and fashioning your circadian rhythm around the hope that tomorrow, when you next wake, it might finally be the day.

And then today, it happened: Emeril Lagasse has announced via PR News wire that he’ll launching his own line of coffee, called simply, “Emeril’s”. Chef Lagasse has teamed up on this project with the White Coffee Corporation of Long Island, NY. To clear up any confusion, the White Coffee Corporation does not specialize in “white coffee”, but rather, they have been operated for three generations by the White family

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As with all things Emeril, his coffee is to be New Orleans themed. Offerings include “New Orleans Dark Roast”, “Caramel Bread Pudding”, the “Bam! Morning Blend”, and “Kicked-Up French Vanilla”. All the coffees will be pre-ground.

Let’s learn more from the press release, delightfully titled “Bam! That’s Good Coffee!”:

“Folks, if you’re like me, great tasting coffee is an essential part of every day,” says Chef Emeril Lagasse.ย “That’s why I wanted to share my ground coffees with you. They’re made just how I like my coffee โ€“ full-bodied, smooth and flavorful.” Emeril’sยฎ Signature Blend Coffees are hand blended, convection roasted, ground and ready-to brew.ย Now you can brew some up yourself and โ€“ as Emeril says โ€“ “Kick it up a Notch!”

We also learned from this press release that Emeril’s life and brand are, as of 2008, a wholly owned subsidiary of Marth Stewart Living Omnimedia, which is actually what it’s called. Martha and her Cape Cod cabal now own everything related to Emeril’s media and merchandising business, including television programming, cookbooks, and website and his licensed kitchen and food products.So basically what you’re saying is, Martha Stewart bought and sold his ass! She must have paid out a coupla million po-boys for THAT little buyout, right? Man, what a great press release.

As for the coffee, it sounds terrible. Maybe he should take his own advice and kick it up a notch.

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