Breaking news: Johann Sebastian Bach, one of the greatest composers of all time, wrote an opera about coffee. Nearly 300 years ago. The German composer perhaps best known for the Brandenburg Concertos also wrote Schweigt Stille, Plaudert Nicht, which translates to Be Still, Stop Chattering. But at Electronic Beats reports, the comic opera goes by another name, the Coffee Cantata.

Written in 1735, the opera tells the story of a young woman named Aria who loves coffee against the wishes of her father Schlendrian – which literally translates to “stick in the mud” according to Wikipedia – who tries to wean her off of her caffeinated delight. Schlendrian tells Aria that she cannot marry unless she stops drinking coffee, to which his precocious daughter agrees. But when he goes looking for a husband for his daughter, Aria secretly tells suitors she must be allowed to drink coffee if they are to marry her. In the end, Schlendrian and Aria come to an agreement, with a guaranteed three cups of coffee a day written into Aria’s marriage contract. The story concludes with them singing the moral: that drinking coffee is natural.

advert new rules of coffee now available


The opera has some pretty strong sentiments about coffee, with lines like, “if I couldn’t, three times a day, be allowed to drink my little cup of coffee, in my anguish I will turn into a shriveled-up roast goat.” If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that.

So, while you may think that “OK, but first, coffee” shirt or that meme you made about how you need coffee is new and cool, know that J.S. Bach basically made it into an opera almost 300 years ago.

Zac Cadwalader is the news editor at Sprudge Media Network.

New Rules of Coffee banner advertising an illustrated guide to the essential rules for enjoying coffee