Our friends and partners at Stumptown Coffee quietly released its new cold brew + milk offering a few months ago: Chocolate Cold Brew. As one might expect, it tastes like coffee chocolate milk. If you’re into that kind of thing (and a lot of people are), then this little carton is for you.
It’s totally my thing, because I like having fun (in my circle of friends, I’m the fun one). I’m also an adult who likes breakfast cereal marketed to children. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that chocolate cold brew pairs really really well with certain cereals.
Which ones? These three:
That’s right: Special K Red Berries, Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch, and Cocoa Puffs. Unlike that awful coffee cereal we covered years back, this combo takes two things that are good on their own and simply combines them, rather than attempt some sort of dark arts alchemy.
Here are my exhaustive scientific findings on the three cereals combined with Stumptown Chocolate Cold Brew, complete with flavor notes.
1. Cocoa Puffs, General Mills
Flavor: 6 (out of six)
Sogginess factor: 4 (0 being soggy, 6 being firm)
Chocolate and chocolate. Double chocolate. Of course it makes sense. Eating this was like eating a mocha. The texture of the cereal was enjoyable throughout, though it did suffer from sogginess toward the end. I wasn’t even eating it that fast.
But the cereal milk at the end? Have mercy.
2. Special K Red Berries, Kellogg’s
Sogginess factor: 1
Why is it “red berries” when it’s always strawberries? No one really knows. Some might look at this pairing and go “ew”, but we said “ooh” and went for it. Unfortunately, the cereal did not hold up and quickly turned into a soggy brick in our bowl. Cereal milk didn’t even happen because the dehydrated “red berries” soaked up the cold brew like a sponge. Having said that, it was a flavor experience not to be missed.
3. Cap’n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch, Quaker Oats
Sogginess factor: 6
A perfect score for this heavenly pairing of peanut butter, crunch, and chocolate cold brew. This unforgettable taste explosion was transcendent. The cereal never sogged; the Cap’n Crunch didn’t even do that cut-your-roof-of-the-mouth thing. A joyous occasion appropriate for any time of the day, but especially enjoyable at that magic hour between 11PM and 4AM when most adult children consume sugar cereal. Why not add some caffeine into the mix? I’m not sleeping any time soon. I’m too busy crying (with glee) over this remarkable combination.
Stumptown Chocolate Cold Brew is available at Stumptown cafes and select retail locations, with more information available at ColdBrew.com. Cap’n Crunch, Special K Red Berries, and Cocoa Puffs are available at all North American grocery stores.