The Moccamaster Disaster

 
By 5 January 2012
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Two things to start: We have no beef with Technovorm’s products, specifically the MoccaMaster, which is one of the only auto-drips on the consumer market that actually make a decent cup of coffee. We also think this is one of the most deeply ignorant, ridiculous pieces of video we’ve ever seen, made even more offensive by the fact that it posits itself as authentic.

Technovorm and “Coffee Hunters” have teamed up to make a Todd Carmichael-esque travel video, using a lame impression of Anthony Bourdain and an Euro-Andy Richter sidekick. (And not even the good era, “Staring Contest” Andy Richter – we’re talking like Conan on TBS Andy Richter here.)

Anyway, pop culture asides aside, this video sucks. This is another entry in a terrifying recent trend of “green buyer washing” videos, “documentaries” that attempt to reduce the job of sourcing quality coffee to an episode of “Finding Bigfoot”.

“We left our roaster in Sweden!” Apparently, these experts think the only way you can evaluate quality coffee on the farm-level is by pan-roasting on site. Legitimate coffee buyers can tell you of at least ten places in Kigali that have sample roasters on hand.

Later, the Danish Andy Richter complains of a six hour SUV ride. He’s hurting all over. Long drives are par for the course when traveling to coffee growing areas. Relax, Andy Richter. Hit up the catering tent off-camera and down a few juice boxes. You’ll be fine.

In the car, the Swedish Anthony Bourdain talks about a mythical “bay or island” that’s “covered in coffee plants”. “This might be the best coffee in Rwanda.”

Listen, fake Tony, you achieve quality coffee by paying attention, having smart producers, proper management and care. You don’t just walk into the jungle and stumble upon “the best coffee in Rwanda” with a used fry-pan and four sweaty white guys. You were well-funded here! That European auto-drip company has a lotta euros! Why on earth did this video turn out so completely brain dead awful? And who the hell are any of these people in the first place? Richard Lindh, the “coffee expert”, is an SCAE “Certified Level 1 Gold Cup Brewmaster” who competed in the Swedish Nationals in 2007 for Tre Med Cafe and Catering – this is about all we could find out about him.

Do green buyers actually say things like “up country” when they’re getting ready to visit farms? Is it possible for these videos to suck any more than they already do? How did this happen? Why did this happen? How much money did these people pay for 2,000 YouTube hits? Words fail us; this very article has buckled beneath the weight of that video’s stupidity.

These morons are going to make Todd Carmichael’s upcoming “Let’s Go Coffee Huntin’ With Todd” TV show look like the first season of “No Reservations”, and pardon our french, but that’s a real fucking shame.

 
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