TikTok, it’s not just for dance crazes. It’s also for being an obnoxious customer to get the lulz (or the likes or faves or whatever dopamine hits you get from approval on this particular social media platform). And the newest viral sensation appears to be over-the-top coffee orders.
Now, before we go any further let me make it perfectly clear that there is absolutely nothing wrong with sugary coffee drinks. They are delicious and often the entry point to more coffee-forward beverages. In this house, we will not abide sugary coffee slander, and though I’m about to say some things that may come across as unkind, they are in no way an indictment of sugary coffee drinks as a whole. Got it, get it, don’t forget it.
The trend garnering national attention involves individuals getting “creative” with their drink orders, including 10+ modifications/add-ons. Countless content creators are sharing customized drinks under the hashtag #Starbucks. What started as a playful and somewhat tolerable practice—sharing practical off-menu drinks that might taste good (see Unicorn Frappuccino, Snickers Mocha, Skittles Frappuccino) has turned into a who-can-order-the-most-annoying-modified-drink-combination content contest.
The latest example comes via @ProjectJosiee, who took to Twitter to share the order of a person named “Edward”. Edward’s order laundry listed a total of 13 modifications to their Venti Caramel Crunch Frappuccino, including additions like heavy cream, frapp chips, extra caramel crunch, whip, and ice, and something like 13 additional pumps of flavor, all “double blended.” This, as you can probably imagine, is an absolute nightmare for baristas to prepare, especially during a rush.
On todays episode of why i wanna quit my job. pic.twitter.com/vKAtRKNRwe
— Josie (@ProjectJosiee) May 2, 2021
The Twitter post has led to other Starbucks employees to sound off on the nightmare orders they have to deal with, with one order replete no less than 30 add-ons, including extra 2% milk, heavy cream, whip cream, cream, whole milk, and non-fat milk as well as a total of 33 extra flavor pumps.
Let me be the first to say on behalf of baristas the world over that you can get right the fuck out with all that. You want to convince me that 33 pumps of flavor is actually good, I’d be leery but willing to at least hear you out. Asking for extra of all different fat contents of milk though, you’re doing this to be obnoxious, and congratulations, it worked!
i raise you this pic.twitter.com/07mhU0IyED
— vic (@victoriasarberr) May 3, 2021
Listen, I don’t want to gatekeep anyone here. You want to order a cappuccino made with an Elida Green Tip Gesha, good on you, I bet it will be delicious. If you truly, in your heart of hearts, want all these over-the-top mods because it is genuinely believe it tastes good, I won’t cast any aspersions your way. But, if you’re putting baristas through 30 lines of bullshit just for TikTok clout (which by the way, you won’t get) to keep feeding the ravenous dopamine response system in your addled brainstem, well then, you can go choke on a baba.