Are You Micro Goats On Instagram? Sprudge Wants To Talk With You

We’re looking for you, Micro Goats Coffee Roasters.

For the better part of the last year, the Instagram account @micro_goats_coffee_roasters has been epically trolling the whole of specialty coffee. The company, who advertises itself as “Brand new 4 wave specialty coffee micro lot roaster, direct trade 88+ farm to palm,” is not a real company in any sense of the term, but is in fact an exquisite exercise in the dark troll arts.

Dark. Troll. Arts.

Here’s the account’s first post:

Bran new Microlot coming to town from farm to cup direct trade model 88+

A post shared by Micro Goats (@micro_goats_coffee_roasters) on Sep 8, 2015 at 5:54pm PDT

This one is pretty epic:

We r goin 2 origin tonight to visit Dong Rodrigo, we hav heard he isn't pickin properly so wwe are sending Gazza n Smithy to show him a lesson. This is caled HEAVY MUSCLE RELATIONSHIP COFREE.

 

A post shared by Micro Goats (@micro_goats_coffee_roasters) on Jun 12, 2016 at 2:13pm PDT

We think whomever is responsible for this county is likely Australian:

Well this batch rost is so far on tha f*ckin dark side it may s well say "I AM YO FATHER" n chop me hand off.

A post shared by Micro Goats (@micro_goats_coffee_roasters) on Jun 15, 2016 at 1:25pm PDT

That is not how this works:

We upgarded the burner on are roster an now we can crank out light batches like this in 5 and half minutes no prob #specialtycoffee #nordic #beantofinger #goatinyourcup #getnakeditshot

A post shared by Micro Goats (@micro_goats_coffee_roasters) on Jun 8, 2016 at 4:01am PDT

Can you imagine?

Unripe borbone or yellow borbone? Whats difference? Nothing I think some farm have explaining to do. #specialcoffee #farmtopalm #beanlife #baristalife #scaa #wbc2016

A post shared by Micro Goats (@micro_goats_coffee_roasters) on Apr 4, 2016 at 6:46pm PDT

We could select several more posts; there are dozens that troll in a similar style. All in all, a masterwork of specialty (or “speciality” if based in Europe) coffee trolling the likes of which we’ve not seen in some time.

Sprudge Media Network wants to know: are YOU responsible for Micro Goats on Instagram? Please contact us. Anonymity guaranteed, and there’s a very real chance we’ll want to interview you once your identity has been verified. Oy bruv, give us a nudge at wire@sprudge.com or leave a message on the Sprudge Hotline 1-888-55-SPRUDGE (global toll-free). 

This story is developing…