Iโm back on my Italy bullshit. Itโs been about two weeks since I last checked in on the lovely coffee happenings in The Boot; Iโve spent that time reading your many, many Instagram comments and personal DMs, reflecting upon my actions and how very sorry I am for them. (Keep them coming, though. I get no greater joy than having folks reach out to explain to me why Iโm wrong about a joke they didnโt get or didnโt find funny. Please note that my writing style is and will continue to be โcoffee over everythingโ but donโt let that stop you from sounding off.)
Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh right, Italy. Vi amo tutti, but some of yโall need to chill, specifically the folks at illy, who have recently announced the โUltimate Italian Coffee Package,โ a luxury coffee training and vacation package to the Italian city of Trieste. And itโll only cost you $100,000.
As reported by the Robb Report, the โultimate coffee-lovers retreatโ was created to celebrate the 20th anniversary of illyโs University of Coffee, who as of June has been offering โmaster barista-led private classesโ at its San Francisco campus. For a cool $100K, you and up to five other friends can begin your five-star coffee journey in San Francisco, where youโll be treated to โa quick cuppa and coffee seminarโ before boarding your own private jet to Trieste, the birthplace of illy and โItalyโs coffee capital.โ There, youโll โtour the illy headquarters, dabble in mixology and latte art while mingling with coffee experts and members of the Illy family.โ
Thankfully, your $100,000 buys you more than a latte art class and a handshake with a higher-up at a coffee company. Included in the package is a stay at the five-star Falisia Resort as well dining experiences at the two Michelin-starred Harryโs Piccolo and Al Baggato. There will be sight seeing and there’s some mention of gelato and biscotti, because Italy.
What I want to know is who? Who is this vacation for? Iโd like to see the Venn diagram of folks who both 1) have an expendable 1.6 yearly median household incomes, and 2) are really, really into coffee but also not really thaaaaat into coffee. Like, if youโre some Silicon Valley tech bro thatโs super into coffee, youโre probably not that into illy (and you probably make some pretty normative claims to that end to whomever is within earshot). If Blue Bottle was offering this, then maybe. Iโm just not sure who is going to take illy up on this offer. But there’s gotta be some Boomer somewhere with no sense of the cost of things who will do this though, right?
Whoever you are, if you are out there reading this right now, please subvert all your supreme asshole urges and do the right thing: donโt spend $100,000 on this travel package. If you have that sort of cash laying around and really love coffee, there are so many actually good uses for that much coin. Hell, spend $50K on an Italian vacation and then donate the rest. Itโs a win-win. Except for illy, I guess, but Iโm sure theyโll be fine.
Zac Cadwaladerย is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas.ย Read more Zac Cadwaladerย on Sprudge.