As you might be aware, the guy who invented Eater has beef with his morning rush cafe experience, and he’s taken to his personal Tumblr to let the whole darn world know. A few days ago we wrote what we felt like was a balanced response to this piece, where we asked the question: “Is this a reasonable reaction, or is this rich dude just queening out?”
So while we’re asking “questions” and kind of hedging our bets in criticizing Ben Leventhal (in case Curbed LLC wants to buy us, hint hint), power blogger Serenity Sage has penned a scathing response to Mr. Leventhal in typical “bitchpleeze.com” fashion. We both love it and hate it. While we don’t think it helps elevate the conversation in any real substantial way, we do feel, just as with some of the rules in Leventhal’s piece, the world might be a better place if people followed them. Maybe “rule” is the wrong word. Perhaps “suggestion” would be less polarizing. Sage, using the language and inflection of a hunty middle-of-last-week Ben Leventhal, demands that all customers forthwith:
Read the menu.
You’re in a new place, and that new place could have drink/size options. If you want something that’s off the menu, circle back to the first rule: know what you want. Not every service person has an encyclopedic knowledge of drink names from your neighborhood spot. If something’s off the menu, order it by ingredients, proportions, and size. One man’s “Italiano” is another man’s “Devil’s Drop”; you call it an iced shot with cream over sugar, she calls it “the Twirly Bird”; nobody under 40 cares about cortados or Gibraltors anymore.
She also wants us to:
Know your order.
Specifically, know what size you want and if it’s to go or to stay. The last thing you need to do is answer a bunch of questions from a sniveling art school drop out, right? I mean, they’re subhuman, so the less you interact with them, the better for your important blog ego. Just do your part and know what you want beforehand.
Read all of Sage’s suggestions at Crema Dreamz, which is definitely our new favorite blog ever.
BTW, in the last 48 hours, after a deep back-and-forth with Twitter users like 2012 US Barista Champion @katiecarguilo, @colecoffee, @nickcho, and @LAgrind, Ben Leventhal has softened up his language. His post reads so much sweeter now!