Grindcore is extreme music. Known more colloquially to outsiders as “that music where all the band names are written in a font I can’t read,” grind music is loud and fast, full of blast beats and those high-pitched yowly vocals (and sometimes low-pitched cookie monster vocals). A mix of thrash metal and hardcore punk, songs regularly clock in well under a minute, and as many of the band names lay out from the jump—Pig Destroyer, Napalm Death, Cattle Decapitation, and so many more that I refuse to put in print—grind is meant to shock those who aren’t into grind or misanthropy in general.
But it’s also kinda fun and not without a sense of humor. Take for instance Coffee Decaffeination, a coffee-themed grind band sung in the key of Cattle Decapitation.
(It is at this point in the article I would like to inform you that there will be no grind music/grinder puns. If that’s what you’re here for, I’d like to direct you to Adam JacksonBey’s Twitter account, a fine provider of the quality content you are looking for.)
As reported by Metal Injection, Coffee Decaffeination is not a cover band; they create original, pun-heavy songs (or at least song titles; the lyrics remain unintelligible) about coffee. They are following in the footsteps of other wordplay-inspired grind bands like Cannabis Corpse—the marijuana’ed version of Cannibal Corpse—and Anal Trump, inspired by one of those bands we won’t be printing in polite company.
The Atlanta-based Coffee Decaffeination’s first album To Serve Mug—a play on Cattle Decap’s To Serve Man—is a nine-song banger that clocks in under a total three minutes and includes songs like: Turn on the Roasters, Filterlicker, Birth. Coffee. Death, and my personal favorite, The Regurgitation of Cappuccino. You can literally listen to the entire thing on Bandcamp right now in less time than it will take you read about me telling you to go listen to the entire thing on Bandcamp.
According to Metal Injection, To Serve Mug is Cattle Decapitation approved. The band took to Facebook to express as much as well as promote a new coffee collaboration they have in the works with San Diego’s Dark Horse Coffee Roasters, whose punk-inspired merch remains some of the best in the biz.
So even if grind music isn’t your thing, you can probably spare two minutes and 59 seconds to confirm as much by listening to the Coffee Decaffeination’s To Serve Mug.
I have but one question: why not just let an actual grinder handle the vocals? You ever heard a grinder when the burrs get too close and start to rub against one another? No one yowls like a miscalibrated EK yowls. You can even throw some coffee in there if you need the lower vocals. Caninus had dog vocalists. Just sayin’.