The Humphries Dance
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Daniel Humphries is an enigma. Many of you know him from his notable contribution to the blogosphere, Daniel’s World of Coffee. You might be familiar with Daniel’s work via Coffee Scholars, where he offers his services as a coffee consultant and educator. You may have even seen him perform Master of Ceremonies duties at a variety of events; for example, he hosted last night’s Rosettas for Relief event at Seattle’s Visions Espresso. He’s truly a coffee renaissance man.
What you might not know is this: in a fact long since lost to the detritus of pop culture trivia, Daniel Humphries scored a novelty hip-hop hit that changed the landscape of coffee, rhyme, and dance moves. It was the summer of 1990; oppressed Germans enjoyed open egress between East and West, Larry Bird was still sinking 3-pointers for the Celtics, and “The Humphries Dance” exploded onto American radio stations and into our hearts forever. Here, for the first time, is the first verse of Daniel Humphries party jam masterpiece, reproduced with slang intact. Thank you, Daniel, for dropping coffee knowledge on us in a fashion most proper. (Ed. Note: If anyone has video of Daniel Humphries performing on “The Arsenio Hall Show” , please contact editors@sprudge.com)
stop what you brewin
cuz I’m about to ruin
the image and the style that you’re used to
I look scrappy
but yo I’m making cappys see
so yo world, I hope you’re ready for me
gather round, i’m the new brew in town
and my shots are all pulled down with some freshly ground
I’ll drink up all the s.o. that you got on the shelf
so just let me introduce myself
my name is Humphries
pronounced with an “Umphries”
and all the syrups, oh how i love to pump thee
to all the baristas on the top ten
please allow me to bump thee
I make ‘em tall, y’all
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you’re gonna fall when the websites bump me
I like to rhyme
I like my naturals funky
I’m spunky
I make coffee mad hunky
I’m sick with dis
straight double mach
sometimes I get ridiculous
I like when the coffee tastes like licorice
hey yo, whole milk
c’mere,?
yeah i called you whole
i’m never using skinny
and nothing stops me from getting busy
i’m a freak
i pull the shots with the boom
i once poured lattes in a seattle’s best bathroom
i’m crazy
allow me to amaze thee
you ordered chai but it just don’t phase me
i’m still fittin’ in the tight pants
and i even got my own danceTHE HUMPHRIES DANCE IS YO CHANCE TO DO THE HUMP
DO THE HUMPHRIES HUMP, WATCH ME DO THE HUMPHRIES HUMP
(etc)
