The big strong top winners for Natvia’s Send Me To Vienna 2012 are in like Momotaro denim. This coffee competition social media event features a grand prize booty bump of an all-expense-paid vacation to the fabulous and mysterious Vienna, where chosen selected members of the glitterati will attend the Wonderful World of Coffee Event Programming and the unforgettable (trust me, I tried) Sweet Fantasy after party.

First grand prize went to quite the CAFE OWNER:

Look everyone, it’s Yuan Ying, from Beijing. Unlike a lot of the SM2V contestants, Yuan Ying placed high without the help of Facebook, because Facebook is absolutely illegal in China. He’s been making coffee since he was a child! I peered into my Miss Cleo Brand Crystal Ball and can now reveal that Yuan Ying will walk the WCE red carpet in an Alan Jeffries gentleman’s cape, Shape-Ups by Sketchers, and a vintage chenille veil. Work!

Hold on, I’ve got to update my current status: Randy Bodum is confidentially devastated that Gustavo Martin of Venezuela didn’t win. Maybe next year? Randy’s got a little time between Sweet Fantasy and my next cruise ship gig, so maybe I’ll just scoot over to Caracas?

Second grand prize went to the TOP GROUPIE:

Ooh, what a category. The drama. The intrigue. The lead changes. But now that the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, the winner is Jim Connolly, a machine handyman and post-modern promotions artist from Providence, Rhode Island – “The Land of Rhody Fresh!”. Jim Connolly’s SM2V profile clearly states that she’s just “some dude”, but evidently she’s some dude that’s more than willing to give a little claw scratch in direction of that ginger dream bro Brian W. Jones! Meow! Ladies, there’s plenty of spa time for us all. I’ll provided the cucumber slices!

Third grand prize goes to this TOP ROASTER:

Perhaps a little TMI, but I must confess – before bed every night, I would light a candle before an InkJet digital print-out of sChristopher Noseworthy, and ask my magic 8 Ball if she was going to win. Apparently I should have lit two candles, because the winning roaster is Wen Yong Huang from Wo De Cafe, a shop and roastery in the Southwest China city of Chongqing. Wikipedia says there are seven million people there and its sweeping landscape looks like something Oscar winning cinematographer Wally Pfister dreamed up on a soundstage in London. Wen Yong Huang, a sincere congratulations. We’ll see you and your +1 on the dance floor in Vienna.

And your fourth grand prize goes to this TOP BARISTA:

I am barely containing myself. I feel like I could scream, cry, break things, and bake a cake all at once. Why? Because the winning barista is Kyle Wilson, of Toronto’s Te Aro Coffee Roasters. Kyle certainly seems to have his priorities in order. According to Kyle’s profile, “work is 90% of my daytime activities, with the other 10% going to running, eating, and making origami.” The result is a lithe, lissome, supple runner’s body; he’s like Louis William Tomlinson’s Canadian older brother (with Harry Edward Styles’ lips), and Randy just can’t get enough. Look at Kyle lick up at that coffee! Oof, is it time for Vienna yet?

So whether you’re a first place finisher, or a tearful runner up, we think it’s FABULOUS that you all submitted yourself to Natvia’s promotional whims. Congratulations to the winners, and get ready to party your buns off in Vienna at the ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK bizarro soiree! Someone call me a cab!

PS: Follow me on Twitter @therealrandy69. You know I’ll follow back!

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