Starbucks has a new size: 31oz “Trenta”. Big whoop.

Your ol’ pal Carl Mundy here is no stranger to little bite sized sugar cookies, but every once in a while I crave something a bit more generous. Ain’t nothing wrong with wantin’ more outta life, that’s what I always say. Which is exactly why I wanna sit down with all a you numbnuts at Gawker and Eater.com so I tell you one thing once and fer all: The new Starbucks Trenta may be a big girl, but she’s alright with Carl.

Dingus.

Important boozing news! We already knew that Starbucks’ new 31-ounce Trenta iced coffee cup is larger than the average human stomach, but here’s something you might not know: The new cup can actually hold an entire bottle of wine.

Old Raphael over at the Eater.com needs to shut his yap and just drink his French Appalachia.

Now, have you ever seen a Double Gulp? She’s a queen sized 64oz worth of bubble juice and makes Trenta look bite sized in comparison. But I ain’t heard nothin’ from no one about the 7/11′s drink sizes. And just last Tuesday, I took my new squeeze Nancy out to the drive-in to see that “Black Swan”, and she wanted to share her whole buttery tub of popcorn with all them starvin’ ballerinas! Plus a king size Dr. Pepper to boot! Well guess what? The Motor Vu Drive-In got smalls starting at 24oz, and ol’ Carl ain’t made of coupons.

So leave my new gal Trenta alone. Sometimes you gotta make that long haul, from Twin Falls down there to Elko, Wyoming, and a man just can’t bring himself to order two whole vanilla Venti cappa-cuppaccinos. Sometimes a man just needs a little more.

Here’s what you butterscotch Buncha-Crunches in the mainstream media oughta be reporting on:

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

The post Carl’s Corner: Leave My New Gal Trenta Alone appeared first on Sprudge.com.