Schlock Of The Week: A Sleeve Engorged
Terrifying. Impractical. Overtly sexual. These are just a few of the descriptors this video conjured up in the minds of your Sprudge.com editors. And yet…we can’t stop watching. Soon all products will ebb and flow, engorge and go flacid, deflate and stiffen with all the whooshing thunder of a priapitic lunar tide cycle. Until then, there is only Heatswell. Feast your eyes.
The Heatswell is an endothermic (heat-activated) coating for a paper coffee-cup. When that cup is filled with a tasty hot beverage, the band swells into a thick, insulating cloth-like material, offering both grip and heat-protection for your fingers. It’s thin, safe and cheaper than a cup and collar together. So what’s the problem? Take a look at the video. The Heatswell does indeed swell impressively, only it swells like a diseased tree-trunk blistering under napalm.
The end of the video has even more terrifying mutations, but once we get over the accelerated cancerous growths, we can see that this cup could actually end up in a Starbucks near you (and trust me, there is a Starbucks near you). Not only is it cheaper, and made from an FDA-approved material, but it cuts out a step of the coffee-serving process and offers the opportunity for branding – although I’m not sure which company would like to see its logo ballooning like a necrotic canker.
Wired – Coffee-Cup Collar Expands Like B-Movie Special Effect
It looks like they are pouring hot urine into that cup! Second, it looks like the cup is wearing a diaper. If you are really looking to be environmentally progressive you should consider wrapping your urine filled cups in cloth diapers.
My question is, how will it react when the *$ customer goes to reheat their coffee in the microwave. Peep jousting is ringing a bell.
Or, such a bad idea that it has its own airbag for the crash.
Or, move over claymation mold.
I could go on, but I’ve already said too much. From now on I’ll just leave it to the sprudge experts. Sorry guys.