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Bonnie Greene, Stay At Home Barista, Massapequa NY

Every once in a while, my husband, Harold, brings me home some new gadget on one of his MasterCards. They usually just sit in what we call the “don’t touch room”, which is reserved for guests only; that’s where we keep the plastic-covered davenport and all the fine china we collected on our Disney Cruise to the Orient. This time it’s some kind of dripper device, the “Abid Clever Dripper”. You want clever? You ought to see what my youngest son’s verbal SAT scores. Now that’s what I call clever.

What does this device offer over my Hario V60? Full immersion. It’s like taking a vacation to a foreign country but never leaving the resort. Why bother? Have another shrimp cocktail! I like to keep things simple; for years my home barista go-to-guy was an automated Bunn machine, the one that let me and Harold preset and grind the beans a whole week in advance. I’m not sure what’s so “clever” about the Abid Clever Dripper, except to say that, well, it’s the best dripper that money can buy, and if I’m spending $150 a bag on beans for my coffee parties, you’d better believe I’ll spare no expense when it comes to what device I use. I like that the Abid Dripper is made of see-through plastine; very chi-chi. It looks great on my dining room table, and in a pinch, I can fill it up with precious orchids or blue-and-white Hanukkah jelly beans. My kids say, “mom! You don’t use half the stuff dad buys for you”. But I know quality. I make the best coffee on the Long Island Expressway, and if the Abid Clever Dripper works better as a centerpiece than as a coffee doohicky, well, maybe you ungrateful no-neck little monsters ought to go to law school already. Pay off your loans and THEN we’ll talk.