Are you stuck on the other side of the planet from the WBC 2010? Sure you are, but don’t let that stop you from enjoying all of the fun at this week’s festivities. We’re happy to provide you with an on-the-scene recreation that will make YOU, dear reader, the toast of the town come Friday’s final showdown.
By following these patented rules, you too can experience the joy and wonder of the London World Barista Championship and Caffé Culture SCAE Extravagaza 2010. Here’s what you need to do to plan the perfect WBC PROXY PARTY:
First, stay up for 24 hours prior to partying, depriving yourself of water to simulate jet lag and passing time in a 2×4 foot confined space to replicate the London Underground commute. Then, acquire yourself a projection beamer for your video feed, and feel free to make your own expensive looking and totally useless LED display out of a used Lite Brite, leftover Christmas accoutrements, or some other such bullshit.
Why not go all out and make your own personal showroom floor? Buy a box of muffins and a pack of cookies, cut them up into tiny little pieces, and serve them on individual plates to achieve the baked good vendor effect. Post a “likely lad” at the front door with a list of your invitees, and then give him a scanner that doesn’t work. Put together an official WBC gift bag with milk chocolate, freeze dried pre-ground, and some E-Z wipes.
Then gather around a bottle of your choosing, and follow these strict rules:
Each and every time you hear a competitor say the following cues…
“I’ll be right back”
…take one drink.
Every time you hear THESE cues…
…take TWO drinks!
“But I’ll tell you more about that later”
“Today I’m going to serve you four espressos four cappuccinos and four signature beverages”
“It’s been a pleasure serving you”
“Welcome to my cafe”
And each and every time you hear a competitor fire up their blender, you must finish your drink and start a new one!
Repeat throughout the duration of Friday’s competition.
When the day’s competition is over, seek out curry or beer-battered fish and repeat 2×4 confinement for 45 minutes. You are then permitted to sleep.
Are you watching at home? Let’s hear your stories.