Go Directly To Jail, Don’t Pass Spro: Dubai Jail Drops Java

Yes friends, no matter what dumb headline we publish, the facts remain the same: Dubai prison guards have effectively locked inmates up and thrown away the coffee, and the prisoners are getting agitated.

Gulf News has it all:

Inmates at Dubai central jail are complaining about the ban of coffee in jail, sources told Gulf News.

The ban, which started a month ago, upset many prisoners, who are urging the authorities to reconsider their decision, which was made after wardens discovered that some prisoners were using the beverage to draw graffiti on the walls of their cells.

“The prisoners had spoiled the walls by painting on them with coffee so we took the decision to ban coffee,” police said.

Seems cruel and unusual to us, and you just KNOW that smarmy warden is sipping his Esmeralda Geisha while he watches his charges suffer without their precious brew. For shame! Gattaca! Gattaca!

But you know what DOESN’T sound like torture? This classic Dubai-related dance track from Tacoma’s own Lauren Devine! Swoon!

[youtube]jYNfp3rYrcQ[/youtube]

Alternate headlines for this article were:

Coffee In Jails? Dubai Don’t Buy It.

You Brews You Lose In The Dubai Prison System.

Emirates It To Ya? Dubai Jailors Ban Coffee Consumption.

UAE: Uncaffeinated Awful Enclosure.