The coffee chain market is getting crowded, and complicated. Mergers and acquisitions, expansions, and monopolizations dominate the industry. Everywhere you look, thereโs a Starbucks or a Tim Hortonโs, a Luckin or a Costa, a Caffe Bene or a Java House.
Itโs getting so that a mid-level regional player like Biggby Coffee canโt hope to compete. At least, not on a terrestrial playing field.
So, in an attempt to gain a competitive edge, Biggby has announced plans to expand to the last place left without a drive-thru coffee shop: the moon.
The announcement, as reported by MLive and in no way timed to coincide with (and piggyback off) the 50th anniversary of Ryan Goslingโs first steps on the moon, laid it on thicker than one of Biggbyโs Moonboot lattes.
โShooting for the moon has always been in Biggby Coffeโs (sic) DNA, and now with the private and public sectors making advances in this direction, we are making it our goal,โ the company said in a statement that managed to spell its own name wrong. โThe Co-CEOs often quote Buzz Lightyearโs โto infinity and beyond.โ
โThis sentiment guides our company, from our corporate culture focused on employee advancement to our bottom-line goals focused on sustainability and growth. And, we are taking preliminary steps to substantiate this slogan by being the first coffee company on the moon.โ
The company has apparently made โinitial contact with Amazon brassโ as well as Michigan Senator Gary Peters to discuss their totally serious and achievable goals. Maybe they could collaborate with President Trumpโs Space Force?
Sprudge looks forward to reporting on other chainsโ similarly lofty plans, as Peetโs races to be the first company to colonize Mars and Krispy Kreme announces plans to escape the ravages of climate change by launching a donut-shaped space ark. Tickets will be available via a giveaway by an Instagram influencer.
Fionn Pooler is a journalist based in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and the publisher ofย The Pourover.ย Read more Fionn Pooler on Sprudge.
Top image via NASA
