Eggnog Lattes Are Disgusting

Eggnog lattes are disgusting. There are many reasons why eggnog latte is gross but above all, it’s the worst tasting holiday coffee drink. Cooking eggnog with a steam wand certainly doesn’t make it taste better and mixing it with espresso is 100% the worst flavor pairing ever.

Don’t get me wrong, eggnog on its own can be delightful. Eggnog with some booze in it is my favorite holiday drink. But steamed nog with a shot of espresso? Blech! And that’s not to say I don’t like non-alcoholic seasonal coffee drinks. There’s something magic about the way pumpkin spice pumps up silky steamed milk and twinkles with espresso. And don’t get me started on a peppermint mocha (just a pump of peppermint, please!)

It’s even worse if you’ve spent any time behind the bar during the holidays. If you’ve ever had to steam a 64oz pitcher of eggnog, you’ll probably agree, it’s absolutely the worst. The steam wand screams as air tries to escape the goopy, eggy, sugary milk mixture. It’s a horrible sound. Egg bits splatter on the machine, your face, in your eyes. If you’ve ever watched your frazzled assistant manager quick-mix eggnog cut with milk and plop half of it in a half-full pitcher of chunky warm pre-steamed nog, you know that that is something you will never unsee.

And don’t get me started on those who insist on ordering eggnog soy lattes. Don’t even get me started.

Who thought this was a good idea? I can tell you, whoever thought of it regrets ever creating it. The sad truth is, there are people who seek out this seasonal beverage every year and convince others that it’s a good drink, but everyone is fooling themselves, and everyone is wrong.

Wake up, people. Eggnog lattes are disgusting.

Nice Package is a feature series by Zachary Carlsen on Sprudge. Look at more nice packages here.


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