Coffee Common’s New York Fantasia

The first-ever Coffee Common NYC event is slated to happen in just a few short weeks, in the third week of January. But what’s that you say? No official announcement has been made, and the event is only two weeks away? We know, that’s totally scando – but don’t you fret your pretty little head. We’ve determined the reason it’s taking so long to issue a proper announcement is due to a split within the board of the Coffee Common: our sources say they just can’t agree on which fabulous venue to host the event at!

We’ve obtained this leak from a “friend” of a high-ranking Coffee Common board member – it turns out they’ve narrowed their choice for a hosting locale down to these five locations. Leave it to those Coffee Common boys to pick New York’s most over-the-top night spots. They really thought of everything. Let’s peruse, shall we?

1. Splash Bar (50 W. 17th St)

Look over there – you’ll see hardbodied boys on the threshold of manhood, showering on a raised catwalk. Look over here – it’s several Coffee Common board members, caught en delicato, celebrating their hard work and toasting the fruits of their labors. The DJ’s remixes are fierce, and there’s plenty of room to “cup coffee”.

2. The Phoenix (447 E. 13th St)

Crowded, cruisey, and perfect for Coffee Common’s creme de la crema, the Phoenix is just the place to fluff your beard, show off those forearms, and let it all hang out. Delightfully dingy, the Phoenix is even equipped with a pool table. Bathroom’s downstairs so watch your step!

3. Excelsior (390 Fifth Ave)

We’re all grown-ups here, and sometimes even the most party-minded Coffee Common board member needs somewhere to unwind, plug in his laptop, and click-clack-click away at some essential new blog post. That’s why they’re considering Excelsior, in Brooklyn, as a quiet get-away from the hum and rush of Manhattan. It’s the perfect place for those Coffee Common boys to get a stiff, well-made drink, all while checking out equally stiff, well-made studs.

4. Metropolitan (559 Lorimer St.)

Williamsburg’s hottest boy bar is also Coffee Common’s perfect new home. Shoot some pool, enjoy the sprawling back-yard patio, and shake your booty to some inoffensive indie rock you’ve likely heard before. Best of all, there are wonderful couches clustered next to an outdoor fireplace, all in plain view of the busy Williamsburg sidewalk. It says to the world: “We’re loud. We’re proud. We’re Coffee Common.”

5. The Cock (29 Second Ave)

From introductions on, you know The Cock is Manhattan’s most fabulous boom-boom room. Depravity. Irony. Heaven in a black leather jacket. It can all be yours at The Cock. This bar is especially perfect for Coffee Common board members who are getting on in years, and want to recapture the fabulous glory days of their youth – ahh, to be young again.

Hopefully the board will come some sort of consensus soon. We know variety is the spice of life, but enough already! Stick to Sprudge.com for the latest. Hurry up and make your announcement, boys. The world is waiting.

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