The prognosis? Poison. This dastardly case of coffee n’er-do-wellery comes to us (in fine style) from The Daily Mail:

Ana Maria Gonzalez-Angulo, a breast cancer oncologist at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, was charged last week with aggravated assault against Dr. George Blumenschein, a specialist in lung and head and neck cancers at the institution. The pair were engaged in a ‘casual sexual relationship,’ according to the complaint filed May 29, when the incident occurred.

On Jan. 27, Ana Gonzalez-Angulo reportedly served Blumenschein coffee that tasted sweet, something he questioned her about because he preferred his coffee black. The 42-year-old woman said she had added Splenda and urged him to drink it, which he did even having a second cup.

Rather than sweetener, Gonzalez-Angulo is accused of mixing ethylene glycol into the coffee. It is a sweet-tasting toxic substance used in antifreeze and medical research.

Gonzalez-Angulo is on paid administrative leave while Blumenschtein’s recovering.

The post Schmuck Of The Week: Did This Cancer Doc Poison Her Lover’s Coffee? appeared first on Sprudge.com.

Raymond Bellavance Jr. will spend 30 years in prison for starting a midnight blaze in June 2009 that forced seven people — including two infants — from their home and eventually destroyed the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop in Vassalboro.

Hark, ye poets, hither yon, to speak in honeyed present tense, and mark the somber ballad song of Mr. Raymond Bellavance. In three years of bringing you shocking cases of true crime coffee schmuckery, this case is perhaps the most fascinating. Is Raymond Bellavance guilty? Is he mad? Was he railroaded by an unjust court system?

Kennebec Journal staff writer Betty Adams has woven for us tale of woe, dismay, and lust, with surely awful coffee at its very core. For a real life crime saga replete with untrustworthy turncoat snitches, topless coffee motels, syntactically unfortunate text messages, “practice burns,” cocaine, jilted lovers, and a defense attorney who compares his client to Jean Valjean, you just gotta click here.

The post SOTW: Maine Mad Man Makes Maine Men Mad appeared first on Sprudge.com.

Meet Craig Benedict, a man accused of spiking a coffee pot with methamphetamine at a Billings, Montana tax prep center. This outlandish tale of schmuckery comes to us from KRTV.com, serving Great Falls and the rest of Northern Montana:

Craig Benedict, accused of spiking a coffeepot with methamphetamine at a Billings tax prep business, pleaded not guilty on Tuesday morning. Benedict, 34, entered his plea in Yellowstone District Court on a felony charge of criminal endangerment.Benedict allegedly laced the coffee at Laser 1040 with half a gram of methamphetamine earlier this month. Police estimate that up to a dozen people consumed the meth-laced coffee.

But the disturbing details don’t end there! According to the authoritative coverage from KRTV, Benedict was actually an employee of Laser 1040, the tax prep store where the meth’d out coffee was served. Even more bizarre, Mr. Benedict is actually the son of Laser 1040′s owner, and one of the dozen-some employees affected by the tweaky brew was herself a recovering meth addict. All of which leads us to caution our readers in the Billings area: if your tax prep place returns your filing to you super-quick, with every last detail perfectly filled out, just back away calmly, count your return from the safety of your home, and do not drink the office coffee.

The post Coffee Schmuck Of The Week: Meth And Taxes appeared first on Sprudge.com.

This tale from our belle epoque du schmuck comes to us courtesy of author Audi Goha, writing on the Somerville page of Wicked Local:

The cashier told police that Turner purchased a small hot coffee and a donut with a $50 bill. When she returned his change, Turner allegedly asked if he could use a smaller bill instead of the $50 bill, but the cashier said she had already given him the appropriate change.

Turner allegedly got angry, said he did not want the coffee and donut, and requested a full refund. The cashier said only a manager had the authority to refund the money, and that he would need to return tomorrow and speak to the manager.

At this point Turner allegedly threatened her saying, “ If you don’t give me my money, I’m going to hop the counter and kick your ass.”

The victim called out to a coworker and a witness nearby for assistance. As the second employee approached, Turner allegedly threw his hot coffee at the cashier, which hit her in the chest, the wall menu and coffee maker.

At least we can take solace in the fact that delicious coffee was not wasted during the committing of this crime. We wish a speedy recovery to the cashier, but more importantly, a swift and humbling trip through the bowels of the Massachusetts legal system for Mr. Jerome Turner, your Sprudge.com Coffee Schmuck of the Week.

The post Schmuck: Jerome Turner And The Somerville Bummer appeared first on Sprudge.com.

Your Sprudge.com Schmuck of the Week is J.M. Smuckers, the new father of Folgers. According to this feature from Coffee Habitat, Mr. Smuckers presides over the most unsustainable canned coffee in America, available on the shelves of every last Safeway, Publix, Giant Eagle, or even the dreaded Piggly Wiggly.

Since acquiring Folgers from Procter and Gamble in 2008, Smucker’s has balked at providing meaningful sustainability reporting. Pressure from corporate investors prompted a first-ever corporate sustainability report. The single page on coffee was disconcertingly deficient in details. The Smucker’s opposed a second shareholder proposal to produce a sustainability report specific to coffee. Only a tiny fraction — half a percent — of the coffee purchased by Smucker’s is certified Fair Trade or organic.

Mr. Smuckers can consult a real transparency report by clicking here.

The post Schmuck Of The Week: Smucker’s Transparency appeared first on Sprudge.com.

Like an outtake from “Super Troopers” gone horribly wrong, here’s the real life story of Christopher Hildreth, former “barista” at a Dunkin’ Donuts franchise in Jaffrey, New Hampshire. Mr. Hildreth is accused of depositing “nasal mucus” into the coffee of two uniformed police officers:

According to a Jaffrey Police Department affidavit acquired by The Smoking Gun, the 20-year-old server took the coffee cups into the back room after taking the order on June 19. The officers said that they found this “odd as they had never seen him go to the back of the store to make coffee in the past.

A monitor located in the front of the Dunkin’ Donuts location shows everything that is happening in the back room, so the officers simply had to look up to see Hildreth seemingly dropping “nasal mucus into their coffees,” according to the report.”

Mr. Hildreth was called out by the cops, reported to his manager and promptly fired. He currently faces two assault charges, has been written about extensively in the mainstream media, and will likely be pulled over for so much as forgetting a turn signal for so long as he continues to call the Granite State home. Worst of all, congratulations Christopher Hildreth! You’re Sprudge.com’s Coffee Schmuck Of The Week!

Huffington Post: “Nasal Mucus”, Etc Etc

(This feature sourced by Sprudge Smoking Hot Tipper Talon Wood)

The post Coffee Schmuck Of The Week: Hey, That’s Snot What I Ordered! appeared first on Sprudge.com.

A serial coffee-stand stalker was arrested on various charges Saturday night after he led police on a brief car chase in northeast Medford and attempted to punch a Medford police officer.

The chase began at 7:37 p.m. after David Jackson Hazlitt, 70, allegedly made an illegal U-turn in a white 1992 Chrysler LeBaron near a Dutch Bros. coffee stand on Biddle Road and sped away from Medford police officer Tom Venables’ patrol car as Venables attempted to stop him, according to the Medford Police Department.

Since early 2009, Hazlitt has been convicted of seven counts of criminal trespass at several Medford drive-up coffee stands, where he parked and stared at the women baristas and sometimes yelled obscenities at them, Hansen says. Courts have barred him from contacting any coffee stands in the county and three Dutch Bros. employees got civil stalking orders against him in 2009.

Congratulations, David Hazlitt! In a world filled with awful customers, you’re one of the worst ever, and a bonafide Sprudge.com Schmuck Of The Week!

The post Schmuck Of The Week: The Thin Line Between Camper And Stalker appeared first on Sprudge.com.

When Julia Greenhill decided to visit her local Caribou Coffee outlet in Atlanta, Georgia, how could she possibly have known that her life would be changed forever? Little did she know that her choice of coffee shop would put her face to face with Antavious “Devious” Monds, 19, an Atlanta-area n’er-do-well and man of a thousand mugshots.

“Devious” Antavious entered the Caribou Coffee and promptly made a move for Ms. Greenhill’s MacBook. Enter Jerald Baxter, Caribou Coffee employee and erstwhile do-gooder:

Jerald Baxter, who was working behind a counter at the shop, decided to chase Monds down, investigators said.Baxter noticed an Atlanta police officer patrolling the area and yelled, “He just robbed someone,” police said.

Police said Monds put up a fight, punching both the coffee shop employee and the second man. Monds was eventually pepper-sprayed and handcuffed, police said.

Pepper-sprayed, handcuffed, and now featured on Sprudge.com – “Devious” Antavious, you got what you deserved. Congratulations on becoming the latest Sprudge.com Schmuck Of The Week!

Read more about “Devious” Antavious Monds here, via Georgia Daily News.

The post Coffee Schmuck of the Week: “Devious” Antavious And The Caribou Bugaboo appeared first on Sprudge.com.

Meet Vivian Hutchinson, formerly of The Village Coffee on Freret Street in beautiful New Orleans, Louisiana. Her schmucky story comes to us from the Uptown Messenger:

The Village Coffee on Freret Street was robbed at gunpoint by a former employee this weekend, but she was quickly identified on video surveillance and arrested on an armed-robbery charge, police said.

Congratulations, Vivian Hutchinson, you’re the Sprudge.com Schmuck Of The Week!

On an unrelated note, Sprudge.com will be in the city of New Orleans May 2nd-5th! Mint juleps for all!

The post Coffee Schmuck of the Week: Former Barista Requests Job Reference, Cash In The Pastry Bag Right Now appeared first on Sprudge.com.

The first thing Christopher Watson bought after he allegedly robbed a Jackson bank was a cup of coffee.

Congratulations, dear Watson, you’re the Sprudge.com Schmuck Of The Week! Peruse the sordid details of our decaying modern society after the jump.

Nope, not making this up.

Moments after (allegedly) robbing a downtown Jackson bank, Christopher Watson stopped at the (ugh) Books-A-Million cafe for a cuppa cuppa.

Brandie Ray, the clerk at the Books-A-Million cafe, said she sold Watson a $3 cup of coffee right before police arrived.”He got the coffee and then started asking how much the mugs were,” Ray said. “When the cops rode up, he kind of ducked and ran to the back.”

Store employee April Jensen said Watson ran down the aisle and hid. She said police cornered him in the cooking and health sections.”We were making jokes, wondering if he bought the coffee with the stolen money,” Jensen laughed.

Your laughter was indeed accurate, Ms Jensen. Read more about our latest schmuck of the week at the Clarion Ledger, in a news feature from Nicklaus Lovelady, a man whose name instantly qualifies him for consideration as a Sprudge.com contributor.

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