Andrew Brewtbart’s Freedom Ride

Every time we think he’s died, or been cut off from his CIA pension, Andrew Brewtbart – “The leading voice of the Conservative Coffee Movement” – shocks the world with a new full-length telex. We’d like to say this one arrived via horseback, delivered by a costumed Paul Revere impersonator, but there’s something equally American and antiquated about a good old fashioned fax machine. From today’s brand new post titled “What So Proudly We Brew” on Mr. Brewtbart’s blog, “The Shot”:

America is truly a Shining Beacon On A Hill, a marvelous redoubt of individualism and freedom, a bunker of buttressed betterment, a summer house replete with brew bar and cupping table, overlooking a finca of opportunity, with a well-functioning filtration system of checks and balances and a Robur-E of robust discourse. The freedom we brew is sweet indeed, gaining balance and clarity as it cools, pleasing to even the staunchest and paunchiest pundits of judges’ table jurisprudence. Can we just agree that today is a day for liberty, freedom, maybe a nice Chemex to start off the morning, a little afternoon baseball, and some sort of sweetened dessert, emblazoned in frostings of red, white and blue?

No. No we can’t. For unfortunately we do not live in a country of reasonable ideals. We live in a country where partisanship cannot be placed aside for even a day, even a moment, for the duration of one single roman candle or the gentle flutter-down of a solitary paratrooper firework. We live in a country half-populated by liberals, and as you well know, liberals hate America.

Read the full treatsie here, which Mr. Brewtbart refers to via Twitter as “the 86th Federalist Paper”, and have a safe and happy 4th of July.


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